I used to be shy

Long ago I used to be a shy person, I was hardly able to find something to talk about and talking to strangers was my worst fear. Now I am the complete opposite, I love social interactions, I love going to crowded places and I appear on the television every week.

In this article I will tell you what I did in order to get rid of my shyness completely.

What causes shyness?

There are many reasons that might cause shyness but the most famous ones are lack of self confidence, fear of rejection, perfectionism and excessive self consciousness.

You might think that dealing with shyness involves dealing with these internal problems by fixing the way you think. While part of this statement is true still it’s completely wrong to assume that shyness can be dealt with without developing your social skills and training yourself to deal with the external world. Yes the change starts from within but for shyness the change has to come from the outside world and not just from changing your thinking patterns.

Getting over shyness

Getting over shyness in few weeks requires doing the following steps:

Force yourself to interact with people: This is the most important advice. if you can't do the rest just do this one and you will get over your shyness. Talk to strangers and force yourself to have long conversations with people. This is going to be extremely hard in the beginning but each time you do it the difficulty will decrease until it will become a piece of cake.
Prepare the script: If you didn't find anything to say make sure you have a small list in your mind which lists the main subjects you’re going to talk about. When I used to be shy I used to study by hard the whole conversation before I talked to someone.
Confident people vs. shy people: Both confident and shy people face rejections. However, what makes confident people happy and not shy is that they forget about these rejections and never give them a big weight. Everyone faces rejections but shy people become obsessed with these rejections and so their shyness increases.
Perfectionism: Most shy people think that they must say everything right without making a single mistake. This belief results in an intense fear of failure and the desire to avoid making mistakes. Getting rid of perfectionism is a crucial step in dealing with shyness.

What if you ignored this problem?

Ignoring a problem that you have or acting as if it wasn’t there will definitely result in depression. In my book, The ultimate guide to getting over depression I explained how depression can be the result of burying your problems instead of dealing with them.

Some people have mastered the bad habit of fooling themselves into thinking that they are fine when they are not. A shy person might fool himself into thinking that he doesn’t have any problems by convincing himself that he loves computers or that he loves staying in his room. While this is an intelligent way to distract himself from the real problem the subconscious mind will discover the trick and respond back with depression.

One last thing you should know

In summary, forcing yourself to talk to people, training yourself well and developing your social skills by force is a 100% guaranteed method for getting over shyness.

However, after getting rid of shyness traces of perfectionism, lack of self confidence or fear of failure might still be there. You must not ignore these issues and deal with them as fast as you can. While they won’t result in making you shy again they will still bother you and prevent you from reaching your full potential when dealing with people.

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