How to be Assertive

can i be assertive?

Just like any other soft skill, assertiveness is something that can be learned and it's not something that you are born with. Assertiveness' main concept is not letting go of your rights by being overly nice and in the same time not being aggressive.

you just need to train yourself to become assertive

Assertiveness is sometimes called the art of saying no, because some people have developed a habit of being obligated to say yes just upon being asked for a favor. So, as you can see assertiveness is only a matter of training, just follow the below guidelines and within a few weeks of practice you will turn into an assertive person:

Whenever you are asked a favor stop and think. Think that you are not obligated to do it, See if it does have a conflict with any of your other interests and if yes, simply say NO. This may not be easy at the first time but training should let it become easy

Whenever you feel that your rights are getting violated, stand up for them, Like for example when someone takes your turn in a queue, go talk to him immediately, tell him "hey, am sorry but I came here before you, I know that you may want to go home early, but I do want that too", Don't just let your rights be taken, and know that if you think that sacrificing some small right won't cause a problem then you are wrong. Know that each single situation shapes a part of your personality and that your subconscious mind will base your whole future behavior on what is happening over and over. The more you act in an assertive way the more you will be programming your subconscious to become assertive the next time and the more you act like the nice guy the more you will be the nice guy who has no rights.
Use "I" statements, like " I cant concentrate while that noise is present" or "I don't want to go for a walk now, I prefer to do something else"
Use assertive body language, your
body language can either be supporting what you are saying or either making you seem to be contradicting yourself. Stand upright with your shoulders stretched, plant both feet on the ground, have a positive eye contact and don't fold your arms
Finally, don't be aggressive, people will either hate you or resist you, just keep your balance

Assertiveness in relationships

Assertiveness can save your relationship, many relationships are ruined because partners lack the ability to state their needs and wants assertively. In my book, The ultimate guide to maintaining a healthy relationship i explained how the lack of assertiveness can lead to frustration, After all if you never talked about what bothers you then you will become frustrated, this frustration will turn into aggression and you will reach a point where you tell your partner "I can't take it anymore". Assertiveness can let you avoid all of these problems because it prevents the accumulation of feelings that might lead to frustration.

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Did that help?

No, I just can't do that

Yeah, but what is the subconscious mind?

Sure, tell me more about body langauge?