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Self Confidence and Comparing Yourself to Others
By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.
I am not like them
Poor Joe, he is not as handsome as movie stars nor he has a big car like some of his friends. He is not that rich nor he is that intelligent as his college mates.
Why should Joe feel confident then? He must be feeling inferior to everyone!!
Is that true? Of course it is not; simply Because Joe never compares himself to others and so he is happy.
Self confidence And comparing yourself to others
Some people have developed the bad habit of always comparing themselves to others. The problem with these comparisons is that they are usually triggered when people find that they already lack something!!
This means that people attempt to play a game that they have already lost when they compare themselves to others. If a guy was walking down the street and then saw someone passing by with his cute girlfriend his negative self talk will be triggered and he might start saying things like “I don’t have a cute girl friend, I guess that makes me less worthy than him, maybe I am ugly…bla bla bla” ( see why does external events like seeing the guy with his girlfriend trigger new thoughts and ideas)
As you can see the comparison started when the guy already discovered that he has lost it. The comparison was started because of one thing which is lack of self confidence.
This works like a self reinforcing cycle, you first feel that you are inferior and so you assume that you lack something compared to others and on finding anything that you miss you start the comparison and so reinforce your false beliefs about yourself.
Break the Cycle
The good news is that you could break this cycle in two different points. You can either start building your self confidence and as you gain more self confidence you will gradually unlearn the habit of comparing yourself to others or you can train yourself to stop comparing yourself to others and so stop this cycle.
Personally I recommend doing both because self confidence is so important and its worth trying every possible method available until you build it.
Look at the whole package
The second mistake people do when they start to compare themselves to others is choosing just one trait then making their whole judgment based on it!!
A person may be very intelligent yet consider himself inadequate because he is not as good as his friends in playing soccer.
In the Solid Self confidence program i said that if it’s a must to compare yourself to someone else then compare the whole package and not just a single trait, yes he may be more handsome than you but you may be smarter than him.
He may be richer than you but you may be happier than him, think of yourself as a package because it not fair to judge yourself based on only one thing that you don’t have or that you cant do.
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