How self confidence is developed in a person

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

What is self confidence

Is self confidence inherited?
Is it connected to genes?
Does it have anything to do with our upbringing?
And why are some people confident while others lack confidence?

In order to know the answers to those questions you first need to know what self confidence is. Self confidence is nothing more than a set of beliefs a person has about himself.

One of those beliefs could be 'i am physically attractive'. This belief won't make the person confident in all life areas but it will make him confident at least when it comes to physical looks.

When this person gets rejected he is very likely to believe that he got rejected because of his looks simply because he is confident when it comes to looks. See why your world revolves around your childhood wounds.

Now if this person had another negative belief such as 'i am boring' then he won't be confident when it comes to social interactions. This person will still believe that people will like his looks but he will also believe that they will find him boring.

How self confidence is developed?

Now that you understand exactly what self confidence is it's time for the 1 million dollar question which is : where does self confidence come from?

  • 1) Encouragement by parents: The reason why parenting is important when it comes to self confidence is that encouraging a child can make them much more confident. Once a child is surrounded by encouraging parents the child will be able to explore their limits and so develop confidence in their abilities. See How parents affect child development
  • 2) Past experiences: In the Ultimate guide to becoming confident i said that each new experience a person goes through either increases or decreases their self confidence. The beliefs the person has about themselves is actually determined by the situations the person has been through and how they handled them.
  • 3) The perception of the person: Many different people could go through the same experience yet each of them might come up with totally different conclusions and beliefs. The way a person sees the world and their perception of events greatly determines whether those events will affect their self confidence positively or negatively. See How incorrect perception affects self confidence
  • 4) The person's belief system: Some beliefs affect a person's self confidence directly even though they are not directly connected to self confidence. If for example a person believes that success happens due to luck then this person is very likely to develop low self confidence as a result of believing that he is helpless. See does luck has anything to do with success

What can this tell you about self confidence

If you understood the previous points well then probably you have already guessed the good news. First of all self confidence is not inherited and has nothing to do with genes.

Self confidence is all about the beliefs you develop about yourself and the world. If you made sure you are acquiring the right beliefs by interacting with the world properly then your self confidence will keep going up.

This also means that even if you now have low self confidence you could still get this problem fixed by changing your perception of the world and your negative beliefs.

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