How to forget someone you hate

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Why do we hate some people

No matter who you are there will be people in your life that you don't really like or even hate. When i talked about hatred earlier i said that it only happens when someone affects your well being in a bad way. In other words you only hate the people who managed to harm you in a way or another.

When a person affects us badly we tend to remember them for long periods of time. The emotional intensity of the harm that happened to us force us to keep remembering those people even though the memories are anything but pleasant.

I have covered the topic of forgetting someone you love thoroughly in the breakups section but i didn't talk before about forgetting someone that you hate. In this article i will tell you how to forget a person that you hate.

How to forget someone you hate

Let's suppose that a guy used to bully you everyday at school. Most probably you will keep hating that person for a long period of time even after leaving school.

The reason you still hate that person is that you never managed to deal with the emotional turbulence that happened to you as a result of that bullying. Now in order to forget about that person you need to neutralize the bad effect this person had on you.

One soloution would be confronting that person assertively and demanding an apology for what they did. And while that soloution is guaranteed to work still it's very hard to apply for it will look very weird to suddenly bring up a matter that ended years ago.

So what's the soloution in such a case?
The soloution in this case is getting yourself prepared to face any kind of bullying in the future. Once your mind believes that no body will be able to bully you anymore the old wound will heal and you will stop thinking about that person who bullied you.

In my book The 5 Minute Happiness Formula i said that the mind hardly gives up a bad memory until this memory is properly resolved. If you hated a person because they harmed you but never managed to reassure your mind that you can prevent further harm then the bad memory will remain.

The main reason your mind is still remembering that person is that it wants a soloution to that problem that you never managed to solve.

Use mood swings for guidance

So many people think that bad emotions are horrible things but the truth is that emotions can help you to perfectly understand what's going on in your mind. See also How to end emotional pain.

Mood swings are among the emotions that can easily tell you what's going on in your mind. Let's suppose that while watching a movie you felt bad as soon as a bullying scene happened.

This could tell you that there is an unresolved emotional problem related to bullying that still lingers in your mind. Once you manage to find that problem and make sure it's resolved you won't only feel better but you will stop hating the people who caused it.

Many people ask me how can they forgive their abusive parents and my answer is always the same. Find out the type of emotional harm that your parents caused you then neutralize it. Only then you will forget the pain and forgive them.

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