Why a relationship will not make you happy

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

The connection between happiness and relationships

So many people try to get into relationships to feel good about themselves and to improve their moods. Some people even consider themselves abnormal when they are single and then believe that all of their life problems are going to be solved when they get into a relationship.

The problem with such a way of thinking it that it always leads to disappointment. A person gets into a relationship with 10 unsolved problems hoping that the relationship will solve them all then shortly discover that all the problems are still the same even though they are now in a relationship. See Why romantic relationships are overrated.

Happiness is one of the most misunderstood things in this world. Most people want to be happy but they have no idea how to do it. In order to understand how relationships and happiness are connected you first need to understand happiness itself.

We humans have so many different needs like the need to be loved, the need for recognition, the need for intimacy and so on. While some needs can be common between a large number of people still each one of us will have certain specific needs.

Happiness in simple words is the feeling you get when you have your important needs satisfied or when you believe that you are on your way to get those needs satisfied. See How to be the happiest person on the planet

Why a relationship will not make you happy

In my article The reason your emotions keep changing all the time i said that the purpose of emotions is guide you towards your important needs.

If you did something that brought you closer to satisfying an important need then you are going to experience good emotions and the opposite is also true.

In other words your brain could be sending you bad emotions in order to let you know that some of your very important needs are not being satisfied. See Where do emotions come from

Now let's suppose that one of your important needs was becoming successful. In such a case you will feel bad if you are not successful. Now what if you tried to compensate for those bad feelings by getting into a relationship?

This is exactly the same as trying to heal a broken arm by consuming drugs. The relationship might drug you for a while but shortly your mind will realize that your important need was never satisfied through this relationship and as a result it will get back to you with bad emotions. See Why is love not like in the movies

Why some people can't live without a relationship

People who are not aware of their important needs or those who try to use relationships to distract themselves from their important needs can hardly live alone.

After all if those people became single their minds will remind them of their important needs through intense emotions that they can't handle. Now in order to stop those emotions those people look for any kind of drug that can help them feel better which is the relationship in this case. See Dealing with love addiction

In my book How to get over anyone in few days i said that some people never recover from breakups simply because they were using their relationships to forget about their important needs.

As soon as those people breakup they experience all kinds of bad moods which are nothing more than reminders that they should work on their important needs.

Moral of the story

If you use relationships to run away from your important goals and needs then you will only feel better for a short period of time before you feel horrible again. In addition to that you will hardly survive from breakups and you will turn into a love addiction.

Find your important needs in life and work on getting them satisfied and you will be extremely happy even when you are single.

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