Why do i hate myself

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

You can't force self love

Many of the traditional self help schools try to push people into the direction of loving themselves and while that direction is a real good one still most of those schools fail to help people feel any better.

In order to understand why you can't simply love yourself you need to understand where self love and self hatred come from.

Self hatred happens when your subconscious mind dislikes something about you, dislikes who you became or becomes dissatisfied with you who you are. In such a case the only way to stop hating yourself and to bring back self love is to rationalize with your subconscious mind according to it's own logic until you end up convincing it that you are truly worthy of love.

Always consider the subconscious mind a separate entity that you need to handle properly in order for it to comply with you. Try to force anything onto your subconscious mind, by using affirmations for example, and it will respond with resistance.

This is why you hate yourself

So as you just read you can't truly love yourself before you find out why your subconscious mind hates you. Here are some popular reasons:

  • 1) You hate who you became: In the Ultimate guide to becoming confident i said that your subconscious mind always watches your behaviour and builds beliefs about you accordingly. If you always act helpless, anxious or if you respond to life's challenges in way that doesn't appeal to your subconscious mind then it might hate you for it. See Is your mind working against you?
  • 2) You hate your behaviour: In so many cases people think that they hate themselves just because they hate one or more behaviors that they do. In such a case all what a person needs to do to love themselves is to stop doing this behaviour completely.
  • 3) You have low esteem esteem: Self hatred is one of the strong signs of low self esteem. When you constantly find yourself unable to handle life challenges properly then you might hate yourself for it. This is one popular form of self hatred. As the subconscious mind keeps finding you falling short of your own expectations it finds no soloution but to let you hate yourself in order to motivate you to change. See Can the subconscious mind be controlled
  • 4) You were made to believe that you are worthless: Sometimes the main cause of self hatred is being taught indirectly by your caregivers that you are not that worthy. People who were mistreated, neglected or abused by their parents might end up believing that they are not worthy of love. Based on this conclusion those people might never manage to love themselves. In such a case visiting those false beliefs and fixing them is the right thing to do. See also How your past affects your present
  • 5) Failing to adhere to your moral code: If you constantly failed to adhere to your values, ethics or moral code then you might end up hating yourself for it. One of the basic rules of creating self love is adhering to whatever you believe in no matter how hard it seems to be. See also How to love yourself more

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