Why do some couples keep breaking up and getting back together

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

The Roller Coaster couple

Why do some couples keep breaking up and getting back together?
I am pretty sure you have met a couple who kept breaking up every now and then , sometimes for a long period of time, before getting back again.

When people get into a relationship a great deal of conflict happens because after all people are different. As people resolve those conflicts the relationship starts to stabilize and those people develop the ability to live together peacefully.

For some people however this phase can take a longer period of time and the result can either be a harmonious life or a final breakup.

There are many reasons that could force people to keep breaking up and getting back together. In this article i will tell you about the most common ones.

This is why some people keep breaking up then getting back together

  • 1) They are among the best options: In my previous article What is a love map i said that when someone matches most of the items in our love maps we tend to fall in love with them. People who keep getting together are usually the ones who match many items in the love maps of each other
  • 2) Intolerable trait: If one of the partners has an intolerable trait then a breakup might keep happening because of that trait. Shortly after the breakup the one who broke up might realize that the other person matches most of the items in their love map and as a result they might decide to get back again. See How to find the items in your love map
  • 3) No better options: In some cases people keep getting back together because they don't succeed in finding better options. After a person breakups they might assume they are going to find a better match but when this doesn't happen they might decide to get back to the same relationship again. See How the available options affect the relationship partner choice
  • 4) A narcissistic partner: If one of the partners is a narcissist then breakups can happen very often. Narcissists usually have the habit of devaluing others and even cutting the connection completely with them when a conflict happens. Why do i always attract narcissists
  • 5) Low conflict resolution skills: If the couple don't have good conflict resolution skills and in the same time they were very different from each other then those conflicts can lead to breakups. After the breakup the couple might start missing each other and they might get back together again. See also This is why you never recovered from that breakup.
  • 6) Inability to recover from the breakup: After breakups many people get back together not because they are perfect matches but because they didn't manage to fully recover from the breakup. In such a case the desire to get back together is fueled by the person's inability to tolerate the pain of the breakup. See How to deal with loneliness after a break up
  • 7) Having hope that they will change: Many people tolerate traits that they can't really live with while hoping that their partners will change. If after some time those hopes were proven false then the person who was eager to keep the relationship might feel like wanting to breakup. See how to change someone you love

How to know whether you are a good match or not

Here are few things that you need to do to get over this problem for good:

  • 1) Know exactly what you want: In my book How to make someone fall in love with you i said that when you know exactly your unmet needs you will be able to tell whether someone is really suitable for you or not
  • 2) Make sure your partner know what they want: Sometimes the problem might be with your partner and not with you. You must be brave enough to help your partner find out exactly what they want so that you both know whether this relationship can continue or not.
  • 3) Find out whether you can live like that or not: If the person you like has a trait that you can't tolerate then you need to figure out whether you can still live with them even if they didn't change or not. Once you know the answer to that question you will know whether this relationship can work or not

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Want to know more?

7 Questions to ask yourself before breaking up

10 signs you should breakup now

Why your Ex wants you back after the breakup

How to get over anyone in few days (book)

How to make anyone fall in love with me fast (book)

How to end Depression instantly (book)

How to control people's minds (Course)

How to develop rock solid self confidence fast (course)

2knowmyself Best Selling Books

How to make someone fall in love with you.
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How to get over anyone in few days
Breakups will never hurt like before.

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