Why some women like shy men

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Women like strong and confident men

In many of my previous articles about attraction psychology i said that women are hard wired to prefer dominant, confident, strong and protective men.

This is the general rule of attraction that most women follow because they were designed to think this way. And while looking for that kind of a man is a hard wired need still in some cases women look for a totally different kind of man.

Some women for example like the shy and introverted man instead of the confident and assertive one. For the first instance this might seem like a contradiction but when you know that beliefs can override hard wired needs things will become clear.

If a woman was raised in such a way that she acquired certain beliefs about the world then she might actually look for a different type of man.

In my book The psychology of physical attraction i said that once a person forms certain beliefs about the world he might get attracted to certain types of people and not others.

Why some women like shy and introverted men

Let's first agree on the definition of shy in here so that you don't get the picture wrong. I am talking about the man who is not dominant, who feels uneasy in social interactions and who doesn't have enough confidence.

I am not talking about the kind of shyness that makes a person feel ashamed if he did a bad thing but i am talking about the one that makes the person self inhibited in the presence of strangers. See Why is shyness seen as a bad thing.

So why would women like that type of man?
Here are some possible reasons:

  • 1) Fear of being cheated on: Many women have fears that their partners will cheat on them. If this fear became so intense then those women might fall for men who are unlikely to cheat. The shy and introverted man is very likely to know a small number of women and as a result the possibility that he cheats will become low at least according to the perception of this woman. See Why cheating hurts
  • 2) Wanting to have more control: Some women are obsessed by the desire to control things and others that they start to look for the type of male that can be easily controlled. Those women might look for shy and introverted men just to be able to exert control on them. See why do some women prefer weaker men
  • 3) They want a sensitive man: Some women do care a lot about being with a sensitive man. Because many of those women assume that a shy and introverted man is going to be more sensitive they might go for him. Those women usually have a higher need of romance than other women. See Why some men aren't romantic
  • 4) They want a man like their fathers: I have said earlier that the relationship with the parents determines the type of partner a person looks for. If the father of a woman was shy and introverted then there is a chance that the woman will look for a similar type of man. See Why do we get attracted to people who resemble our parents
  • 5) They don't have enough courage: Lack of courage is one of the very strong motivations that pushes people into doing many of the actions they do. If a woman doesn't have enough courage to be with a strong and dominant man then she might go for the less assertive one just to feel safer around him
  • 6) Bad experience with assertive men: A bad experience can influence a person's future choices and preferences. If a woman had bad experience with a certain assertive man then she might want to be with someone who has opposite traits. See how messed up relationships affect mate choice

Shyness for men is not a good thing

Shyness is not a personality trait but its a personality problem. While some men accept shyness for women and even find it attractive most women might be turned off by a shy man.

If you are a shy man then you can still work on yourself and change that. Here is a good link to start with.

The Solid confidence program was launched by 2knowmyself.com; the program will either help you become more confident or give you your money back.

2knowmyself is not a complicated medical website nor a boring online encyclopedia but rather a place where you will find simple, to the point and effective information that is backed by psychology and presented in a simple way that you can understand and apply. If you think that this is some kind of marketing hype then see what other visitors say about 2knowmyself.

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