Why we like to talk about ourselves

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

No you are not self centered

Why do we like to talk about ourselves?
Why do we like to tell stories about our achievements?
And why do we even feel better when we talk about our problems?

All normal humans talk about themselves from time to time. Self centered people over do it, attention seekers do it all the time but normal people also like to talk about themselves from time to time.

There is no doubt that each one of us loves themselves to a certain extent. According to one theory, which i find convincing, we sometimes like the ones who look like us because we unconsciously like ourselves and we want our kind to survive for long. See Do likes attract.

You might think that people with low self esteem don't love themselves but that's not correct. Even those with very low self esteem do have a certain amount of love for themselves. According to another theory people like to have kids because they want extensions of themselves, their siblings, to survive after they are gone.

This is the first reason why we like to talk about ourselves. Talking about ourselves feeds that self love even if it was too little.

Why we like to talk about ourselves

There is also another very interesting thing that happens when we talk about ourselves. In the Ultimate guide to becoming confident i said that our subconscious mind is almost an independent entity that watches us and judges us.

This is why some people talk to themselves. It's just the fact that they are trying to convince their subconscious minds to believe in something without really noticing.

When we talk about ourselves our subconscious minds listen. If we praised ourselves the subconscious mind takes notes and we end up feeling better. In other words talking about ourselves and our achievements is an action that can result in a direct self confidence increase.

Note that i am not by any means referring to affirmations in here. In my article Why most self confidence affirmations never work i said that most affirmations are deceptive lies that are hardly believed by the subconscious mind.

When you talk about yourself however you probably tell the truth and as a result your subconscious mind believes you. I said earlier that for an affirmation to work it must make sense to the subconscious mind.

We get hope

In in a previous article called How actions can improve your emotions i explained how taking actions can be the ultimate way to help yourself feel good when you face a problem.

So what does this have to do with talking about ourselves?
When we tell people about our problems or emotions we are actually seeking guidance or help. This kind of action comforts us and makes us think that we are on our way to solve one of our problems.

When we highlight a problem by telling our friends about it we might feel better because of believing that we will get some kind of a soloution from them. See also Is talking about our problems a good idea.

The brain finds it rewarding

According to a study talking about ourselves is actually rewarding to the brain. This can happen because of various reasons including the ones mentioned above.

The type of reward might differ in each situation but in all cases if you feel good when you talk about yourself then make sure that you are achieving another important objective indirectly without realizing.

Our desire to let others see out good qualities, our desire to get some attention or our desire to feel important and loved can be among the rewards we get when we talk about ourselves.

Moral of the story is : You are normal, don't worry.

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