why do breakups hurt so much

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

No, it's not what you think

The first thing that might come to your mind when i ask you why did the last breakup hurt you is that you truly loved the person you broke up with but this is not what really happens.

We live in a world of multiple causalities, this means that every psychological change that happens to us happens because of too many reasons coming together and not just one single reason.

This means that after a breakup 10, 20 or even 50 different reasons might be making you feel bad. Today i am going to surprise when i let you know that almost all of those reasons have nothing to do with the person you broke up with or the love you had towards them.

why do breakups hurt so much

  • 1) Your have doubts about your insecurities: Right after someone gets dumped the first thing that comes to their minds is their own insecurities. The person who is insecure about their looks will blame their looks, the one who think they are boring will blame their personality and so on. Every person blames their own insecurities after breakups and this is why people keep thinking about the breakup over and over. The main reason you can't get that person out of your mind is that you want to know wehther your insecurities were the cause or not. See why rejection hurts
  • 2) You doubt your own worthiness: For many people a breakup is a devastating hit to their self worth. Some people start doubting their own self worth after a breakup and this is one strong reason why they feel bad after it. If those people worked on their self esteem the breakup will hurt much less. See also Recovering from a breakup
  • 3) You are not sure you can find a replacement: So many people get devastated by breakups because they are not sure they can find an easy replacement to the person they broke up with. Some women for example believe that they have a limited time and so might think that they won't have the chance to find another replacement for the person they broke up with
  • 4) You are emotionally dependent: Emotionally dependent people or love addicts can hardly survive on their own. Those people will always want someone to support them emotionally and so when they breakup the feel very bad for the loss of emotional support and not for the loss of the person. See 5 signs you are a love addict
  • 5) They have no clue why it happened: So many people feel really bad after a breakup because they aren't really sure why the breakup happened. In so many cases once those people know the clear reason and realize that it has nothing to do with their own insecurities they feel much better about themselves. It's the uncertainty and the lack of a clear explanation that sometimes makes a breakup hurt so much. See 10 signs you should breakup now
  • 6) They think the whole thing was fake: This complain is usually heard from women who get dumped. They sometimes question the emotions the person had towards them since the beginning of the relationship. In such a case what hurts them the most is not the breakup but the possibility that this person they were with might have never had real emotions for them. See also How your past can prevent you from recovering from a breakup
  • 7) They are too afraid to be replaced: Some people don't really mind the breakup as much as they mind being replaced by someone else. Because of their bad past experiences those people became extremely sensitive to being replaced by anybody and so whenever they breakup they get terrified of this possibility.See This is why you never recovered from that breakup

And tons of other issues

This was just a sample to show you that most of the reasons that hurt you after a breakup have nothing to do with the person you broke up with.

Fearing you will end up alone, feeling betrayed, your hurt ego, not wanting people to know that you were dumped, the time you believe you wasted, fear of bad future possibilities and lack of emotional intimacy are just some of the reasons that can make you feel really bad after a breakup.

And if you noticed the one common thing between all of those reasons then probably you already realized that the person you broke up with didn't mean much to you as much as your emotions meant a lot to you.

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Want to know more?

10 Ways to get over breakups fast

Why your Ex wants you back after the breakup

10 signs you should breakup now

How to get over anyone in few days (book)

How to make anyone fall in love with me fast (book)

How to end Depression instantly (book)

How to control people's minds (Course)

How to develop rock solid self confidence fast (course)

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