Why is he not giving me enough time

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Insecurities and perception

One of the most common complains i get from women when i do relationship coaching for them is that their relationship partners don't give them enough time.

I usually get complains like: he doesn't give me time, i am not a priority for him or i come in the second place after work.

Now in many of those cases i end up discovering that there is a very big perception problem that is caused by feelings of insecurity. If a woman felt insecure about whether a man likes her or not then probably she will start to see every single negative event through a magnifying lens.

The woman will then give a different meaning to many events based on this insecurity and will thus feed her doubts even more. When women say that men don't give them enough time it's usually an indirect expression of their insecurity about being loved.

When i talked about Building self confidence i said that once a person develops some kind of insecurity they interpret events in a totally different way as a result of the change in their perception.

In other words after developing any insecurity you won't really see the world the way it is but you will see it from the wrong angle.

Why is he not giving me enough time

This brings us to the important question which is why the man is not giving the woman enough time. Before you try to answer that question you need to ask yourself why you are asking the question.

If you are asking the question because you are truly not being given any time then you are right but if you are asking it because you are too insecure about whether you are loved or not then you need to work on your own self esteem. See How to have self confidence in relationships

Now when it comes to men there are various reasons they might actually be giving little time for their spouses. For many men work comes first before anything else. If this statement provoked you then know that you probably interpreted it in the wrong way.

When i say work comes first it doesn't mean that work is important and you are not but it just means that for some men work must be dealt with first before everything else.

A woman should understand that a man's work is not her competitor but it's something that the man must do in order to provide a good life for the family.

The second thing you must understand is that if the man is going through work problems, career change or any other major change related to work then probably he will be forced to work for a long period of time without being able to relax or have a clear mind.

It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you

If you became honest with yourself you will realize that you are asking this question because you are not sure whether you are important or not to the man. In other words because you are not sure whether the man truly loves you or not you started seeking approval by asking for more time.

And when the man became busy working you assumed that he doesn't really love you.
It's all a perception problem.

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