Why is shyness seen as a bad thing

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

The problem with shyness

Shyness is considered a bad thing for two major reasons:

  • It's connected with self inhibition: Shyness is in many cases connected with self inhibition. In my previous article about the causes of shyness i explained how problems such as lack of self confidence, inferiority and perfectionism can lead to shyness. So many people automatically assume that a shy person has one of these problems
  • Feeling uncomfortable around the shy person: A large number of people won't even realize that a person is shy but instead they will assume that this person doesn't want to interact with them for any reason. In my previous article Why people feel uncomfortable around introverts i explained how people quickly assume that introverts , and shy people, don't like them just because they don't interact with them

Real self inhibition

It's no lie that in most cases shyness is caused by one or more personality disorder such as lack of self confidence for example.

Now the real problem happens when the person ignores the underlying problems and starts to think that shyness is a good thing. Yes shyness has its advantages but in the end its an indication that something is going wrong with your personality that requires your attention.

Many shy people don't see the real problem because they feel at ease around their close friends while avoiding most strangers. In such a case the shy person fails to see the real problem. See also Conversation tips for shy people

Weak development of social skills

Shyness acts as a barrier between the person and the other people. As the person does his best to avoid strangers his social skills become underdeveloped. A typical shy person might have low social skills, conversation skills and people skills in general.

When a person avoids something the problem usually worsens and this is why one of the best ways to treat shyness is to force yourself to talk to people so that you manage to develop your missing skills. See How developing your social skills can help you end shyness.

The problem with human perception

Any conclusion that a human being makes is totally subject to his perception. If a person doesn't think that you like him then he will quickly conclude that you are not talking to him for that same reason. See Why do people see the world differently

In other words your shyness might give lots of false signs to people who are already looking for them. In addition to that people usually fear the unknown and thus feel uncomfortable around shy people who don't talk.

When you remain silent around people you make them feel uneasy. When i talked about the psychology of love i said that people fall in love with the ones who help them feel good.

Now as you keep making people feel uneasy around you they might end up hating your presence.

Good vs bad shyness

Note that i am not talking about the kind of shyness that prevents you from doing something wrong. This isn't the type of disorder i am talking about but its rather a learned behaviour that you acquired from your parents.

The shyness i am talking about in here is the inhibition that prevents you from being yourself or from saying something while you are accompanying strangers or people you barely know.

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