Why narcissists don't give closure

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

The importance of a proper closure

One of the most important steps for recovery from breakups is obtaining a proper closure.

The first thing i usually ask from the people i coach during the coaching sessions i do is to get a proper closure from the ones they broke up with.

I ask them to contact the person they still have emotions for and make sure 100% that the relationship is over. The reason for this is simple, recovery never happens as long as there is hope even if this hope was too little.

In may of my articles about recovering from breakups i said as long as there is even 1% hope recovery can't happen.

Now the problem with Narcissists is that in some cases they might not actually give any kind of a closure for the relationship but they just disappear and let you figure it out. Not all Narcissists do so for some of them might actually decide to humiliate you with words before they end things for good.

Why narcissists don't give a closure

A typical Narcissist sees people in black and white. You are either worthy to the Narcissist or totally worthless. Narcissists often devalue people and consider them worthless when they get hurt.

This is the Narcissist's most common defense mechanism against rejection and emotional pain. See Why Narcissists hate you.

Once a Narcissist does the devaluation thing you will automatically become worthless to them. In such a case the narcissist decides that you are of no true value because you hurt them a lot.

In such a case the Narcissist will have one of two choices; Either telling you that directly in order to hurt you. Or just disappearing from your life all of sudden without giving any kind of explanation.

Of course in the later case you will be left out confused and you might have a hard time recovering from that breakup.

Narcissists sometimes don't give a closure because of the decision they took to consider you unimportant. They can also do that to send you an indirect message that you are not by any means important to them.

How to recover from this relationship

Now the important question is: How to recover without a closure?

In fact in such a case you were already given a closure but you didn't properly understand it. Once a narcissist does that to you know that they decided to ignore you for good and so they probably won't be coming back again.

I know that hurts but the good point in here is that you already have a proper closure and this kind of closure can certainly help you recover. In my book How to get over anyone in few days i said that once you kill hope and make it clear to your mind that the relationship ended for good then you will certainly start recovering.

Yes you will feel pain for few days but shortly all of the pain will be over and you will be fine again.

Want to know more?

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Why do narcissists get depressed

How to control a narcissist

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How to end Depression instantly (book)

How to control people's minds (Course)

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