What causes jealousy?

An insight into the mind of the Jealous

So you're sitting with her that night; everything is going fine and you both are enjoying your time till suddenly he appears out of no where. He's better dressed than you are, he's handsomer and he approaches you and starts talking to her; your whole consciousness is focused on them talking; how he looks at her and how smiles at him. You're angry, scared, insecure and lacking confidence; to wrap it up, you're jealous.

Situations where you may experience feelings of jealousy

You may get jealous in any of the following situations:

when someone flirts with your girl
when someone achieves something you've been wanting but haven’t done so yet
when someone you hate succeeds
when someone manages to get something and you don’t think they deserve to

What are the causes behind jealousy?

If you think that you got jealous because of the way he talked to her or because of the way she smiled at him then you are wrong; jealousy, like most other emotions, is rooted internally, so a big part of the problem lies within you not as an extension of external conditions or circumstances. The following are possible root causes of jealousy:

Jealousy root cause #1:
Lack of self confidence: The main cause behind feeling jealous is your doubting your abilities or skills; if you're one hundred percent sure of yourself, you'll never suffer any jealousy feelings or even if you do, they'd be brought down to a minimum.
Jealousy root cause #2:
Poor self image : Having a poor self image is another cause of jealousy; if you think believe you look bad or that you are not that handsome, then chances are you'll be experiencing feeling of jealousy whenever you meet someone more good looking than you are
Jealousy root cause #3:
Fear : One of the root causes behind feeling jealous is being afraid; this fear can be a fear of ending up alone, a fear of being shamed or a fear of losing the love your partner is providing you.
Jealousy root cause #4:
Insecurity: Feelings of insecurity are the result of the two previously mentioned causes; a poor self image and a lack of self confidence Feeling insecure about a relationship can be a strong reason for you to get jealous.

The intensity of jealousy differs according to the situation

If you hate someone, you'll be most likely to be more jealous of him upon him achieving. If you don’t hate him so much then chances are the degree of these jealous feelings will be less intense. On the other hand, if it's someone you like who's managed to highly achieve, then you're not likely to feel jealous at all even if he's achieved higher than you have.

Jealousy and invading the private space

When someone becomes jealous he may start to invade the private space of his partner in such a way that results in relationship dissatisfaction for the one whose private space was invaded. In my book The ultimate guide to maintaining a healthy relationship i explained how acts like insisting on knowing your partner's passwords can make him/her dissatisfied and can ruin your relationship. Unless you have a strong evidence that proves that your partner is cheating on you don't ever invade his private space even if you were feeling jealous.

Jealousy; a friend or foe

The only thing jealousy is capable of doing is making you feel bad, ruin your relations or simply fill your heart with hatred. Upon feeling jealous, don’t go pick fights with others and blame external factors; fix yourself and these feelings of jealousy are bound to disappear.

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Did that help?

Not until you tell me how to deal with jealousy

I got it, now tell me how to build my self confidence

Unfortunately, I am really not handsome; is there something I can do about it?

Ok, but I hate feeling insecure; what can I do about it?

Tell me how I can deal with my fears