The Ultimate Source for Self Understanding

introduction to dealing with breakups

It's pretty disappointing how can a relation that once was the sweetiest thing in someone's life turn into great grief and misery upon breakups. Moreover, sometimes the relation doesn't even have a start in order to have an end, that's when love is only one sided and so one person suffers much while the other doesn't even bother. This is where the famous phrase "I cant live without you" come into play. The person's life stops at a certain point, hoping for the other to get back but that may not happen, and so he may end up depressed.but dont worry,dealing with breakups will be much easier than before as soon as you finish reading this section.

The key Factor in Dealing with Breakups

One of the very unknown facts about love is that in lots of cases we dont fall in love because we really love the other person but rather because we need someone to help us to cope with the bad mood we feel when being alone!! some people rush to realtionships just to cope with the unbearable emotions they feel when being alone, and so they escape to love. This situation is the same as when someone starts to take drugs just because he don't like his current state of mind or just because he can't handle some bad feelings, and so he escapes to any other state of mind (the being high state in this case), it's like loving the state of love and being loved rather than loving the person himself. This is what can be called as love addiction, being unable to live without love just because you have other problems you want to forget about.

What's really dangerous about this kind of addiction is that the person is usually not aware of the fact that he is dependant on a partner just because he is feeling bad and not because he loves him. He may even become totally convinced that this person is the one and so if it happened that he left him he suddenly finds himself back to the state he was in before, the state of the emotions he couldn't deal with and so this enforces the idea of being unable to live without him. This is the case where some people fall in love in order to cope rather than to grow, this is a case of external dependency. External dependency is the act of being dependent on an external factor in order to feel good or to escape a bad mood. External dependency is the way the person uses to escape his bad emotions, all he is has to do when he faces a big problem is to find a loving partner then forget about all of his life problems. When love is used as the main source of external dependency this can be called love addiction.

How to Know if i am in True Love and not an Addiction?

Just recall your feelings when you were alone without a partner, did you always feel bad or down?, did you always feel that you won't life a happy life unless you have someone loving you? Did you think that the solution to every problem you have lies in your ability to find someone that shares the feelings of love with you? If your answers were yes, then there is a big possibility that you are a love addict.

The Person Doesnt Really Matter,its the Emotions that matters

The good point about external dependency is that as soon as you find someone else to provide you with the same nurturing you used to receive by your old partner, you will feel good and happy again, because it doesn't really matter who is the person providing you with this nurturing as long as he/she meets your criteria

How to Recover From Breakups?

In order to recover from a severe breakup or a one sided love you must first be convinced that you might have been a love addict. If you kept believing that it's the person you need and not the feelings or emotions experienced then your mind won't let him/her go.

In my book How to get over anyone in few days i described how you can get over breakups easily by just understanding the concept of love addiction, know that if you are emotionally stable and not a love addict, these breakups won't affect you except for a limited amount of time and then you will fully recover. If your relation was started in order to cope with bad feelings then most probably you are going to feel down until a solution is found. If you found that you have an external dependency and that you can't live without someone then it's time to dig into your own personal problems. it's time to dig to find out what is causing you this emotional instability that is making you unable to tolerate living alone.

Feeling bad Because of False Beliefs about rejection

Another unknown fact to the common people is that sometimes the person feels bad not because of being rejected or because he lost someone but because unconsciously he thinks that being rejected means that he is faulty, inadequate or not up to the standard. It's just your shaken view of yourself that did hurt you in this case rather than the rejection itself. It's because you wanted to be approved by someone because you thought that being approved or loved means that you are good. If this was your way of thinking then know that unless you change it your sense of self worth and your self confidence will be tied to external factors rather than internal ones, and so you will live at the mercy of others.

Its normal to feel Down after Breakups,but its not normal to take months to recover

Of course its normal to feel down after a breakup, but whats not normal is not recovering from this breakup. Normally you will follow a well known cycle of recovery then you will get back to your previous state and you will be even stronger than before.

This happens because, after a breakup you end up with both bad feelings and some experince, when the bad feelings go away you find yourself feeling good and having more experince. The book How to make someone fall in love with you was released by 2knowmyself.com; the book will dramatically increase your chance of letting someone fall in love with you. 2knowmyself is, without doubt, the only complete source for the psychology of falling in love on the whole web. If you dare to challenge this statement then check out the psychology of falling in love section and you will discover it yourself.

Did that help?

No, tell me How to Stop Loving Someone Who Doesn't Love me

No, the problem is that he was the one

yeah, but tell me more about getting hurt just because i lack self confidence?

yes, but what is that criteria for loving someone that you talked about!!!

Well my problem is that although I am into a new relation still I can’t forget about the old person whom I used to love!!!

ok but what about feeling insecure about a relationship?

yes but am feeling really disappointed,what to do?

I am in a rebound relationship, what should i do?

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