The Ultimate Source for Self Understanding

Dealing with rejection

So you have been rejected by someone, some people or even by the whole world; it feels bad, you feel like you don’t know what to do and you might even start scanning yourself for anything wrong that can justify this rejection. You may even go to the extent of calling yourself a labels like "loser" or "failure", you might even become depressed.

The shocking truth!!

The shocking truth is that the main reason behind you experiencing those negative feelings upon being rejected is believing that your worth or value is measured solely on how much you're loved and cared for. When we were children, our culture and our parents taught us that by being nice, people will like us, that we must be good boys and girls so our parents will love us; we've grown up to think that if people like and care for us then we're good, if not then we're bad, maybe even worthless. We have tied our sense of self worth to others' acceptance of and we thus grow happy upon acceptance or low and down if not.

Depression and rejection

Depression is sometimes associated with rejection. But the main reason some people become
depressed after being rejected is that they don't take actions to neutralize the effect of this rejection. In my book In my book, The ultimate guide to getting over depression i explained how ignoring your problems and allowing them to accumulate can be the primary source for depression. Some people face problems as soon as they encounter them while others bury them deeply in their subconscious minds or throw them behind their backs. When they do so their subconscious minds usually responds back with depression.

Lets suppose you applied for a job then got rejected. If you didn't respond by applying for another job or by trying to improve your skills immediately then you might get depressed.

Possible reasons behind rejection

We know that the human mind hardly ever rests before finding a reasonable or logical explanation for the situations it faces; that's why I will be providing you with lots of reasons that can have some one hate or reject you, other than your being worthless. These reasons will support you a lot on your journey of dealing with rejection. People could hate/reject you because:

• They are jealous of you; of your achievements, your looks, or anything else
• They are currently interested in someone else (if it's a relation rejection for example. That does not mean that you are bad; see the Psychology of falling in love sectionfor more information on that)
• They might be afraid of you; they might be afraid you'd take their job, their gf/bf or whatever
• Maybe you absent-mindedly ignored them.
• Maybe you hurt them when they were emotionally sensitive.
• Maybe you have interests that conflict with their own.
• Maybe you look like someone they don't like (looks anchor)
• The mind's halter is just a method that the person's mind uses to make sure that he will stay away from the hated person (in this case it's you)
• Even in job interviews, these reasons can be applicable, after all, the interviewer is not from Mars; he is human and he experiences the same emotions of hatred and jealousy that humans experience

So as you can see, people may hate or reject you for different reasons, ones that have no relation to whether you're good or bad at all. If you want to deal with rejection and get over it, it's time to know that your self-worth is an internal feeling; even if the whole world rejects you, you are still whoever you are. Don't change yourself to please others; you'll only be selling your identity for acceptance. Be yourself and you will have friends and enemies just like everyone else.

But to do that, you must clearly know who you are. You won't be able to deal with rejection unless you have a written document of your strengths and weaknesses. You must know yourself, or you'll end up having people tell you who you are. You must know what you can do before people create your borders for you, which you'll end up believing, thus creating false beliefs that will only limit your potential. Go now, document you abilities, and document your self judgment. If someone manages to match your self judgment then he has got good insight, else question his judgment abilities.

Did that help?

Yes, but why do they hate me? Am I that bad?

No, it's not my case, what was rejected was some work I did

No, people's opinions about me are very important

Ok, but I still feel bad!!

The problem is that everyone around me is rejecting me

How come it's their minds? Does the mind play any role in hatred?

Looks anchor, huh??

But if I change, maybe they will like the "new me"?

Ok, tell me how to write my abilities?