The Ultimate Source for Self Understanding

Assertiveness definition

Assertiveness is the ability to express your emotions and needs without violating others rights and in the same time without being aggressive. People who are not assertive do their best to please others violating their own rights. They just step on themselves in order to make others feel happy or in order to avoid being rejected. (see the guide to overcoming fear of rejection)

assertiveness is not shouting at people nor trying to show them that you are mad, it's something in between being aggressive and being passive, it's demanding what you want in a confident way that harms no one but in the same time preserves your rights.

why am i not assertive?

Assertiveness is not something that is inherited. Assertiveness is a skill that anyone could learn if he decided to, lack of assertiveness is only rooted to the way of dealing with others you got used to,this way may be letting go of your rights or fear of standing up for yourself. being assertive requires only thing, your decision.

but will people like me if i am assertive?

Contrary to common beliefs, being assertive will not let people avoid you or hate you, this may only happen with over sensitive people whom you should give special care (you can easily spot a sensitive person from his looks), but as far as the person is normal, being assertive won't make him dislike you, on the contrary people like confident and assertive people.

in order to be assertive you must stick to these rules

in order to be assertive you must stick to these rules

• you have the right to have your own values, beliefs, opinions, and emotions.
• you have the right not to justify or explain your actions to others.
• you have the right to tell others how you wish to be treated.
• you have the right to express yourself and to say, "No," "I don't know," "I don't understand," or even "I don't care."
• You have the right to take the time you need to formulate your ideas before expressing them.
• you have the right to make mistakes.
• you have the right to stand up for yourself and for what you want.
• you have the right to be treated with respect.

If you are acting in a way that is far too from being assertive, like always saying yes when asked to do something or like trying to please others at the cost of your own happiness, then you are very likely to feel that you are worthless and your self confidence may get severely damaged. Being assertive is not that hard a task. You just need to change the way that you communicate with other people,this includes your body language and the phrases you use or the words you pick.

Assertiveness in relationships

Assertiveness can save your relationship, many relationships are ruined because partners lack the ability to state their needs and wants assertively. In my book, The ultimate guide to maintaining a healthy relationship i explained how the lack of assertiveness can lead to frustration, After all if you never talked about what bothers you then you will become frustrated, this frustration will turn into aggression and you will reach a point where you tell your partner "I can't take it anymore". Assertiveness can let you avoid all of these problems because it prevents the accumulation of feelings that might lead to frustration.

2knowmysef is not a complicated medical website nor it’s a boring online encyclopedia but it’s a place where you will find simple, to the point and effective information that is presented in a simple and obvious way. If you think that this is some kind of marketing hype then see what other visitors say about 2knowmyself.The book How to make someone fall in love with you was released by 2knowmyself.com; the book will dramatically increase your chance of letting someone fall in love with you.

Want to know anything more?

Teach me assertiveness!!

Yes. Tell me about emotional sensitivity

How to spot over sensitive people??

What is body language?