Caring about what other people think

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Caring about what other people think

We all know that an essential step to becoming a self confident person is to stop caring about what other people think, however, most people who try to follow this advice do it the wrong way and so never find any improvement in their self esteem.

Some people think that not caring about what others think means that they should do whatever they want without caring about their own opinion about themselves but this is completely wrong.

Not caring about what others think doesn’t mean that you have to accept yourself the way you are because unless you learn how to care about what you think of yourself you will never become confident.

You must care about what you think of yourself

Suppose that you gained some extra pounds and that you didn’t like how your belly looked like. In this case not caring about what others think won’t help you become self confident unless you like your looks.

You can’t fool your subconscious mind by letting it accept something that it doesn’t like. Building self confidence in this case requires an additional step which is losing the additional fat you have in order to like your looks before you can stop caring about what others think.

Some people get the words “Acceptance” and “Self love” wrong. They think that they should do everything wrong, have a messed up life and yet love themselves but this never works. (see How to accept myself).

In The Solid Self confidence program i said that acceptance only happens when you truly like the state you are in and not when you try to fool yourself to accept things that you don’t like just to save yourself from doing some hard work.

In short, not caring about what others think of you will only help you become more confident if you like the state you are in.

Self confidence, acceptance and making a change

Lots of people mistakenly think that building self confidence is a process that happens only inside the mind with no need to change anything in the external world but if for example you think of yourself as a loser, procrastinator or a complete failure then all the self help techniques in the world won’t help you become confident until you make changes to your life. (see The inner critic).

Here are the steps you must do in order to become truly confident:

  • Find the things that you hate about yourself: Each one of us has few things that he doesn’t like about himself like a bad habit, lack of certain a skill or a certain behavior.
  • Change what can be changed: Your subconscious mind can only accept what can’t be changed. For example if you don’t like how your ears look like then you can convince yourself to accept them but if you don’t like your belly shape then you can never accept it because it can be changed!! So don’t get acceptance wrong and change the things that can be changed in order to truly accept them.
  • Stop caring about what people think: If you have done the previous two steps you will be ready to do step three which is not caring about what others think and this time it will work for you

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