Your Emotions Should Be Private
Do you lack self confidence? Or are you already on your way to build it?
Are you always self conscious because you are afraid people will notice that you lack confidence?
If your answers were yes then know that your emotions should be private and until you solve your problems no one has the right to know them. Your emotions are yours and no one should be allowed to know how you feel except the ones you choose.
Five Signs that Show that you Lack Self Confidence
The following are some signs that show that you may be lacking self confidence. Anyone with above average experience will spot these signs and determine that you are lacking self confidence. Make sure that you are aware of them.
- Giving reasons for your actions : Suppose someone was having lunch with a group of people whom he doesn’t know very well and then he accidentally dropped his glass of coke on the floor. What will he do? Well, some people will immediately start to give reasons to explain what just happened by using comments like “oh, the glass was just at the edge of the table” or “oh, I am so tired today, that’s why I wasn’t concentrating”. Confident people don’t give reasons for their actions; if you dropped the glass or made a mistake then it doesn’t change who you are. It's your right to make mistakes because you are human and you don't have to find excuses for doing them.
- Immediately replying to criticism: I am sure that you have experienced a situation where upon saying a small critical comment to one of your friends he replied back immediately and aggressively. For example, if you told your friend something like “your performance wasn’t that good today” and he replied saying, “no no no, its just because I was tired” or “no I was just thinking of something else while working and that’s what why I was distracted”. This shows that he lacks self confidence. Confident people listen to criticism and see whether it's constructive or not. If it was constructive they accept it, if not, it doesn't bother them much. If you saw a body building champion and told him “hey, you look pretty weak”, what will he do? He will just smile and move away because he knows that he's a champion.
- Compensation: A friend of mine looked really upset one day and when I told him that he replied saying ”I never get upset and I never have problems”. What happened here? Is my friend a superman who is always happy?
Of course not, he is just compensating for his lack of self confidence. Every one compensates in his own way. One person may become arrogant, another one may reply using the 'never' word just like in the previous example while others turn into perfectionists.
Each one of us has his own weak points just like he has his points of strength. You don’t have to compensate for your weaknesses because no one is perfect. Some people think that the act of compensation can help them feel better but actually the subconscious mind is intelligent enough to recognize the trick and it will usually respond with depression. In my book, The ultimate guide to getting over depression i explained how burying your problems or throwing them behind your back results in depression. Sooner or later the subconscious mind will realize that something is wrong and then it will make you depressed
- Body language : People who lack self confidence always take the defensive position (arms folded and may be accompanied by crossing their legs).
Confident people rarely take this position unless they are offended or feeling cold so train yourself to forget about this position.
- Becoming a perfectionist: A perfectionist thinks that he lives in a perfect world so he tries to do everything perfectly too. The problem is that he may become upset if he got a 99/100 in an exam!!!! This happens because he thinks that unless he is perfect he may not become a worthy person. This results in disappointment all of the time since no one, including him, can ever be truly "perfect". Confident people are not perfectionists, they try to achieve success but not perfectionism. If they got a “B”, they may aim for an “A”; but if they got 99% they won't aim for a 100% .
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Did that help?
How to build my self confidence.
More information about the defensive position.
What is body language?
More information about perfectionists.
What about the signs of self confidence?
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