Why Am I Not Self Confident?

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

I Am Not Self Confident

Although he doesn’t really know the reason he is sure that he lacks self confidence. When it comes to being with people that he doesn’t know he just never feels comfortable.

Maybe it's because he is not that handsome, maybe because he isn't that rich or maybe it’s because of another reason. For him, the reason doesn’t matter much. All he knows is that he lacks self confidence.

Do You Lack Self Confidence?

Lots of people send me mails saying that they lack self confidence but most of them have one common thing, they don’t know why they lack it.

Knowledge is power, if you want to get rid of something then you should first understand it. If you were hunting a beast that you've never seen before how you would know the type of trap that you'll need? What If you took a wooden stick then discovered that the beast is 12 feet tall?

If you want to deal with your lack of self confidence then you should first understand it and understand the causes behind it.

Why Am I Not Self Confident?

In this section, I will try to give you the tools that can help you in determining the cause of your lack of self confidence. I will present you with few examples, each of them representing a different case or cause of the lack of self confidence.

Lacking Self Confidence When Dealing with Strangers

If you lack self confidence when you deal with strangers but don’t have any problems when dealing with people that you already know then most probably a poor self image is the cause of your lack of self confidence.

You are not that sure of your looks and that’s why you think that strangers are going to devalue you. This results in feeling uncomfortable when being introduced to new people.

Lacking Self Confidence When Dealing with the Opposite Sex

If you are a guy who lacks self confidence when dealing with girls or if you are a girl who lacks self confidence when dealing with guys, then shyness, poor self-image or a bad history in dealing with the opposite sex may be your problem.

Luckily shyness can be dealt with by training, poor history can be dealt with by creating a new history that erases the old one and poor self image can be dealt with by going through the poor self image section.

Lacking Self Confidence when Dealing with the People You Already Know

If you don’t have a self confidence problem when meeting new people but have a problem when someone starts to know you more then your problem doesn't lie with your self-image or your physical looks but its with the things you don't like about your personality. In this case, you should examine your personality and find out what exactly you don’t like about it, then work on fixing it.

Lack of Self Confidence When Dealing with Certain Categories of People

If you lack confidence when dealing with a certain category of people (for example, rich people, body builders or handsome guys/girls) then your lack of self confidence may be stemming from your past.

If some past situation made you think that a certain category of people are better than you then you need to examine your past in order to be to solve this problem.

In the Solid Self confidence program I explained that one of the reasons most self confidence building advice never work is that they are generic and not specific. In order to really become confident you need to fix the specific thing that is preventing you from becoming confident instead of focusing on your whole personality.

Mutual Causality?

The above reasons aren't always the exact cause of lack of self confidence. I'm just trying to make you aware of the fact that lack of self confidence can be attributed to some other factor that you are unaware of and if you successfully dealt with this factor first then you will become a confident person.

This means that if you lack self confidence because you have a self image problem then achievements and success will never restore your self confidence. Only dealing with the self image problem is what’s going to set you free from your lack of self confidence. In summary, find the root cause and deal with it, only then will you be able to become a self confident person.

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Want To Know More?

How do I build Self Confidence?

What are the signs that show lack of self confidence?

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