Dealing with breakups

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Introduction to dealing with breakups

Do you think that your heart will remain broken until you get him back?
Don't worry in two weeks you will completely forget about that person you loved even if you are dying for him now.

It's pretty disappointing how can a relation that once was the sweetest thing in someone's life turn into great grief and misery upon breakups.

Sometimes relations don't even have a start in order to have an end. This happens when love is only one sided and so one person suffers much while the other never notices anything.

This is where the famous phrase "I cant live without you" comes into play. The person's life stops at a certain point, hoping for his lover to get back to him but sometimes it never happens and the person ends up depressed.

Don't worry,dealing with breakups will be much easier than before as soon as you finish reading this section.

The key Factor in Dealing with Breakups

One of the unknown facts about love is that in lots of cases we don't fall in love because we really love the other person but we fall in love because we need someone to help us to cope with our bad moods!

Some people rush to relationships just to cope with the unbearable emotions they feel when being alone (see escaping to love).

This situation is the same as when someone starts to take drugs just because he don't like his current state of mind or just because he can't handle some bad feelings. When people like the state of love and the feelings of being loved rather than loving the person himself then you can rest assured that they are escaping.

This is called love addiction. Love addiction is a state of being unable to live without love just because you have other problems that you want to forget about.

What's really dangerous about this kind of addiction is that the person never becomes aware of the fact that he is dependent on a partner just because he is feeling bad and not because he loves him.

He may even become totally convinced that this person is the one and so if it happened that he left him he suddenly finds himself back to the horrible state he was in before. When the person finds himself experiencing horrible emotions after a breakup, without knowing about the facts i just mentioned, he thinks that he can't live without the person he broke up with.

Some people fall in love in order to cope with problems rather than to grow. This is a called external dependency. External dependency is the habit of being dependent on an external factor in order to feel good or to escape from a bad mood.

External dependency is the way that some people use to escape from their bad emotions. As soon as they face a big problem they rush to find a loving partner in order to forget about all of their life problems.

love addiction is a special case of external dependency where the person uses love as the preferred escapement method.

How to Know if i am in True Love and not an Addiction?

Just recall your feelings when you were alone without a partner.
Did you always feel bad or down?
Did you always feel that you won't live a happy life unless you meet someone who loves you?
Did you think that the solution to every problem you had lied in your ability to find someone who loves you?
If your answers were yes, then there is a big possibility that you are a love addict.

The Person Doesn't Really Matter,its the Emotions that matter

The good point about external dependency is that as soon as you find someone else to provide you with the same nurturing you used to receive by your old partner you will feel good and happy once again.

For love addicts It doesn't really matter who is the person providing them with this nurturing as long as he meets their unconscious love criteria. (See Why do we fall in love)

How to Recover From Breakups?

In order to recover from a severe breakup or a one sided love you must first understand that you might have been a love addict. If you kept believing that you need the person himself and not the feelings or the emotions you experienced with him then your mind won't let go of him.

In my book How to get over anyone in few days i described how you can get over breakups easily by just understanding the concept of love addiction. know that if you become emotionally stable and got rid of love addiction then these breakups won't affect you except for a limited period of time before you fully recover.

If you got into a relationship just to cope with a bad feelings then most probably you are going to feel down until a solution is found. If you found that you suffer from external dependency and that you can't live without someone then it's time to dig into your own personal problems and fix them.

It's time to dig to find out what is causing this emotional instability that is making you unable to tolerate living alone.

Feeling bad Because of False Beliefs about rejection

Another fact that is unknown to most people is that sometimes the person feels bad after a breakup not because of being rejected or because he lost someone he loved but because unconsciously he thinks that being rejected means that he is faulty, inadequate or not up to the standard.

It's just your negative view of yourself that hurt you in this case rather than the rejection itself. If you wanted to be approved by someone because you thought that being approved or loved means that you are good then certainly you will suffer after breakups.

If this is your way of thinking then know that unless you change it your self confidence will always be dependent on external factors instead of internal ones and you will live at the mercy of others.

Its normal to feel Down after Breakups,but its not normal to take months to recover

Of course its normal to feel down after a breakup but whats not normal is that you don't recover from this breakup after months.

After a breakup people usually go through certain stages of recovery before they feel good once again. Make sure you read the below links in order to move fast through these stages.

After a breakup you will end up with both bad feelings and some experience. When the bad feelings go away you will find yourself feeling good as a result of this experience.

The book How to make someone fall in love with you was released by; the book will dramatically increase your chance of letting someone fall in love with you. 2knowmyself is, without doubt, the only complete source for the psychology of falling in love on the whole web. If you dare to challenge this statement then check out the psychology of falling in love section and you will discover it yourself.

Did that help?

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