Overcoming Guilt

The Message

When my mobile loses more than 90% of its battery charge, it keeps flashing every now and then, to notify me that it needs to be recharged. When my car’s fuel tank is about to empty, an orange light appears in order to notify me that the fuel is about to run out. When my body's food supply is about to run out, my body notifies me via the feeling of hunger.

And when I violate my strongest values, my mind sends me a message of disapproval ;telling me that I should not have done so, that message is called Guilt.

Just like any other emotion, the feeling of guilt is just a message that is sent to you in order to take an action to resolve a problem you have caused via violating one of your values . When a thief robs a bank he will not feel guilty because honesty isn’t one of his values, while any other normal individual who believes that stealing someone else’s stuff is bad, will feel guilty in a similar situation. (see the article "its calling you" for more information on the nature of emotions.

So the first step in overcoming guilt is seeing what value have you violated, and find a way to convince your subconscious mind that you wont do this again.

The Problem with Guilt

So if guilt is just a message, why does it bother us?
The reason for this lies in two facts. The first is that some people focus on the emotion and ignore the fact that it’s a message. When one is feeling down he/she may focus on doing anything that cheers him/her up and doesnt try to understand the real reason behind this emotion. If he/she trys to find out why he/she is feeling down, he/she may end up with a solution to the problem, or at a least a feeling of relief that comes from self understanding.

The second one is carrying over the responsibility of other people's suffering!! Guilt can make you a responsible person but if you take the responsibility for other people's suffering regardless of whether or not you are guilty of any wrong you will experience tremendous amount of guilt. The moment you feel guilty about someone else’s suffering you have to ask yourself, could I have done any better ?

Thinking of the possibilty of having acted in a different manner might be the reason behind your guilt . However,what you have to put in mind is that you cant always have control over inevitable misfortunes, because you don't always have the neccesary resources to deal with the situation.

For example, if you couldn’t save a friend from getting beaten up , because of your lack of courage at the time. This courage is considered a resource, so with your current resources you are doing your best.The only situation in which there is something more to be done is when you have more resources. (See the article"Mind resources" for more information on this topic)

These resources can be anything, knowledge, ideas, courage, money, power...etc
And this brings us to another way of overcoming guilt, when you feel responsible for the suffering of others, just look for a way to increase your resources in order to help them and if you can’t find any then don’t blame yourself, because with your current resources you can’t do more.

carried Over Guilt

Whenever Sarah sees an old white haired woman, she does her best to help her and to make her happy. That wasn’t sara 's case five years ago when her mother was still alive. Sarah used to mistreat her mother until she died. After her mother's death, Sarah’s unconscious mind carrys over some accumulated guilt that results in making her behave that way towards old women who remind her of her mom.

What about you? Do you carry over some accumulated guilt? If you do then you need to forgive yourself, and take an oath that you wont act the way you did in the past, and if you are determined and serious about it your subconscious mind will believe you and you will not feel guilty anymore.

Guilt and Sin

If you believe in God and afterlife, nothing can make you feel more guilty than violating God’s commands. However, if your guilt is related to sin then you should not worry, because as soon as you convince your subconscious mind that you wont do that again, you wont feel guilty.

I am not telling you that you aren’t going to commit sins, but what I mean is that you should not do that sin intentionally. For example, if you are under the control of anger then mocked a friend you would feel less guilty than if you sleep with the intention of robbing a bank the next day.

So bottom line is, as long as you commit sins by coincidence and without preparing for them your subconscious mind will find it easier to forgive .

Guilt as a Method of Control

Self understanding does not only make you feel better but it also helps you protect yourself from people who want to take advantage of you. Some people will try to exploit your human nature by making you feel that you are the reason for their suffering, and so they find it easier to control you. That’s why you should be careful and pay attention to the way you deal with others, and if you notice that someone whom you didn’t hurt in any way is trying to make you feel responsible for his problems, then know that he may be trying to control you.

Guilt and perfectionism

A perfectionist is a person who tries to do everything perfectly and if he doesn't succeed, he feels bad. The root cause for perfectionism is usually lack of self confidence and if you find out that you always feel guilty because of perfectionism then know that your real problem is not guilt but its perfectionism. see the article "To know my Enemy" in order to know more about identifying root causes.

Guilt,Shame and Embarrassment

While guilt is an emotion that is experienced when you violate your values, shame is a feeling that is experienced when you feel dishonored or disgraced. Embarrassment is the feeling you experience when you perform in an inadequate way in the presence of others.
For example, if you fell in a funny way while moving around in your home you wont feel guilty but if that happened in the presence of others you will experience embarrassment.

Final Words on Guilt

If you want to get over guilt then don’t carry over a responsibility until your sure that it's yours and convince your subconscious mind that you wont intentionally violate your values again .

2knowmysef is not a complicated medical website nor it’s a boring online encyclopedia but it’s a place where you will find simple, to the point and effective information that is presented in a simple and obvious way. If you think that this is some kind of marketing hype then see why is 2knowmyself Different.The book How to make someone fall in love with you was released by 2knowmyself.com; the book will dramatically increase your chance of letting someone fall in love with you.

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