Relationship dissatisfaction

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Relationship dissatisfaction

Why do people break up years after being in a relationship?
why do people end up feeling unsatisfied with their relationships even though they loved each other so much?
why is the divorce rate so high?

Relationship dissatisfaction is the main reason behind divorce and breakups. People usually build an unrealistic picture of their future relationships then years later when they find that reality is way different than this picture they end up feeling dissatisfied with the relationship. This article intends to cover the topic of relationship dissatisfaction from a psychological point of view.

Relationship dissatisfaction & the silver bullet

Some people think that a relationship is going to be the silver bullet solution for their loneliness, sadness, depression and all other problems.

They keep waiting for the day this relationship starts because they consider it the solution to all of their problems. When the day comes and the relationship starts their mood usually improves for a specific period of time because of the optimism resulting from finding the solution to all of the problems in the world.

Few weeks or few months later, when the relationship excitement fades away their mood return back to the previous state and they discover that the problems weren’t solved.

At this point some of them blame the relationship and think about breaking up while ignoring the fact that the real problem is with the unrealistic way they thought of the relationship before it even started. ( see the guidelines for healthy romantic relationships)

Unrealistic expectations and relationship dissatisfaction

The unrealistic expectations they had for their relationships is what made the comparison with real life become unfair.

Before you go into a relationship you must ask yourself a very important question. Do I really love the person I am going to be in a relationship with or it’s just that I am looking for a quick fix to my mood? Relationships offer no magical solutions for problems but they can only make problems much more tolerable as a result of intimacy and sharing your emotions with someone else.

Relationship dissatisfaction & Loss of intimacy

Relationship dissatisfaction is directly proportional to loss of intimacy. Intimacy can decrease as a result of loss of motivation to be with your partner. This motivation is usually lost because of the same unrealistic expectations that pictured life after marriage to be the same as it was in the first month of the relationship.

Men start to ignore their wives by listening less and by always keeping themselves busy with work. The same could happen when wives pull away until intimacy is lost then the relationship ends with dissatisfaction.

Final words on relationship dissatisfaction

I can summarize the information in this article into three very important advice:

1) Set realistic expectations
2) Never use a relationship to solve your problems or to fix your mood (the most important advice)
3) Fight to keep intimacy

If you did all these three things then I can guarantee that your relationship will become much healthier and that dissatisfaction will disappear.

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Want to know more?

Yes, how to deal with loneliness?

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