How to get over a painful loss

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

how to get over a painful loss

A painful loss could be a loss of your job, of someone you love, loss of your money or a loss of a close relative. Even though there are different types of painful losses getting over them all can be done in the same way.

I am not underestimating the bad feelings a person might feel after a painful loss, but on the contrary I am acknowledging the intensity of these feelings and in the same time providing methods that can help reduce their intensity.

Understanding acceptance

The key to getting over any painful loss is understanding acceptance correctly. Some people think that acceptance is the act of doing nothing, remaining indifferent and saying “I accept what happened”. This kind of acceptance might be suitable if you lost a close family member but if you lost your job then staying still will only result in more pain.

The true meaning of Acceptance is to accept what happened yet to keep doing your best in order to get out of this problem you are in. If you lost your money then accepted it while doing nothing then you aren’t practicing acceptance but you are practicing defeat.

Acceptance may mean changing your life style, the way you do things, your job, your town or even your country. Its the action accompanied acceptance that leads to true relief instead of the indifferent acceptance.

Why acceptance?

After any kind of loss you experience you will go through the following different stages of recovery in order: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

Anger and denial in most cases won’t take you few days before you go through them successfully. Contrary to what you may be thinking of depression also won’t last for long just like denial and anger But this only happens when you successfully pass through the bargaining phase.

The bargaining phase is the most dangerous one of them all and it’s the phase where people stay stuck for prolonged periods of time. Bargaining is the act of being attached to the thing that you lost while doing your best to get it back even though you know that its not possible.

In my book How to get over anyone in few days I said that the bargaining stage in the case of a breakup involves waiting beside the phone for your old lover to call you, going to the same places that you used to go to together hoping that you find him there and thinking about him all the time.

Unless you move on from the bargaining phase you will be stuck between phase three and four which are bargaining and depression but if you let go and moved on you will finally reach acceptance where you will forget about your painful loss in no time.

How to accept what happened?

Passing through the bargaining phase should be done in different ways depending on the type of loss. For example:

  • Painful Breakups:If it was a painful break-up then stop visualizing your old partner, don’t wait for him to call and tell yourself that the relationship is over and that there is no way to get him back. (Unless there is really a way)
  • Loss of your job: Your company isn’t the last one in the world and am sure it wasn’t the best too. Find another job, keep searching, learn new skills instead of becoming defeated.
  • Loss of a close person: I know its hard, but having faith can help you a lot. Remember him for good, keep telling people how great he was and know that we are all going to catch up with him one day.

The aim behind these examples is to show you that unless you accept what happened you wont move on to the next stage of recovery and you might stay stuck for a long period of time.

2knowmyself is not a simple article website nor it's a place where you will find shallow fixes, but it's a place where you will find effective techniques that are backed by psychology and that are presented in obvious and understandable format. If you think that this is some kind of marketing hype then see what other visitors say about 2knowmyself. The book "How to get over someone in few days" was released by 2knowmyself, the book is a 100% guarantee that you will get over anyone else you will be refunded.

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