Dealing with resentment

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Dealing with resentment

Dealing with resentment is all about understanding the difference between anger and resentment. Anger is an emotion used by your mind to motivate you to fight for your rights and to preserve your Ego when needed, so anger is just a message that your mind sends you in order to motivate you to take a certain action.

Now what if you kept ignoring the message many times without taking actions? what if you were bullied every day in school or scolded everyday at work yet did nothing about it?

In such cases the hatred towards the person who harmed you will grow, the feelings of helplessness will become bigger and feelings of frustration will develop. This combination of frustration, helplessness and hatred is what we call resentment.

Resentment and Acceptance

The "Acceptance" school is one of the most misunderstood schools in the field of personal development. Acceptance can only work if you had the power to take your rights back and not when you are helpless.

Your mind can only consider acceptance a solution when there are other options but if you have nothing to do other than acceptance then surely it wont work. Suppose that every morning your big muscled neighbor gave you a punch, can you convince your mind to accept that?

This can never happen because your mind in this case will understand that you are trying to accept it because you are helpless and because you have no other solutions.

Yes acceptance can be a method for dealing with resentment but it can only happen when there are other options available and not when you are helpless.

Resentment and helplessness

Whether you decided to accept what happened or to take your rights back (in a civilized way of course) you must first convince your mind that you are not helpless and that there are some options in your hand.

For example, if your boss shouts at you every morning you should go one day and speak to him assertively and professionally about your concerns by saying something like:

"I understand that you want the work to be completed correctly but i believe its my right to ask you not to shout at me or talk in a way that impacts my mood because this will negatively impact the work i do"

This simple statement will let your mind realize that you are still in control and that there are other things that can be done other than carrying the anger inside you, this will be enough to ease resentment.

Resentment and Gossip

Because resentment is one of the forms of helplessness some people try to take revenge or bring back their rights by gossiping. In my article why do people gossip i explained how people who gossip are those who have unfinished businesses that they didn't manage to complete face to face with the person who hurt them and so they found no solution other than completing it behind him.

If you do gossip a lot as a result of resentment then know that you are only making your bad emotions grow and that face to face confrontations is the perfect method to release your feelings of resentment.

Resentment against life

Some of the people who have failed to meet their goals, make their dreams come true or those who have developed false beliefs about life such as "Life is unfair" might end up being resentful towards everyone and everything.

The disappointment they carry in their hearts is released every now and then in the form of anger. If you are one of those people you must learn how to identify the main reason for your resentment and then put all of your efforts towards changing that reason or accepting it instead of wasting your energy on Innocent people.

Stop being helpless, stop being resentful.

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