The Narcissist, the Over Confident and the Inferior

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

I Am omnipotent, Superior and invulnerable

I know that I am better than most of those who surround me, although i am not quite sure of the points of difference between me and them still I know that I am much better than them. People seem to be weak, helpless and vulnerable. Most of them fail to succeed, the majority of them are depressed and the rest don’t know where will life take them.

I am not like these people and that’s why I should be on the top, that’s why I should be getting all the attention and that’s why I should outperform them.
Part of a Narcissist’s diary

What is Narcissism?

Narcissism is a personality disorder in which the person falls in love with himself. The narcissist has got an inflated sense of self worth, he thinks that he is better than most people, that he is a superior person and that he is invulnerable. If one of your friends is a narcissist you can easily identify him by his continues talk about his marvelous achievements, his outstanding intelligence or his breath taking beauty.

The following are the common symptoms that Narcissists have:

  • Striving for Attention: Narcissists Fuel their self confidence by the complements they receive, by being in the center of attention and by knowing that people are talking about their superior talents. Without these sources of supply (called the narcissistic supply sources) the narcissist feels worthless and may even become depressed.
  • Exaggerating their Worth: Narcissists think that they are omnipotent, invincible and superior. They constantly try to transfer this belief to those surrounding them in order to get their reward which is the narcissistic supply. The narcissist always talks about how good he is and how brilliant he is compared to others.
  • Lacking Empathy: I hate to overgeneralize but most narcissists care only about their own feelings. They can take advantage of others or use them just to secure a source of narcissistic supply. They only care about their own emotions and they lack empathy when it comes to dealing with others.
  • Obsessed With Fantasies of Unlimited Success: The Narcissist’s mind is obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, superiority, ultimate achievements, tremendous strength and everlasting fame.
  • Expects Others to Glorify him: The narcissist considers himself above the law and he expects others to deal with him according to his exaggerated valuation of his self worth.

The Narcissistic Wound, Are Narcissists Really Superior?

When I used to meet people who think of themselves as superior beings i used to bow for them. I thought that those people were super confident because they were different than others, and I was right about it, those people are different because they are deeply wounded.

When a child is abused or when he experiences some kind of a trauma his mind tries to find out a method to help him forget about his wounds and to prevent this abuse from happening again, And as a method of defense, narcissism is developed.

Feeling that he is weak, insecure and vulnerable he escapes to a new identity, An identity of a superior person who cant be harmed. This is the story of most narcissists, a deep sense of inferiority that is masked by a solid shell.

Why do you think the narcissist wants to be feared? Why do you think he wants to be ultimately strong? why do you think he wants to have tremendous achievements? because he is afraid, Because he is very weak and because he thinks that he is worthless.

It’s a game of compensation, people always strive to get what they lack. If you are after ultimate power then you are dramatically weak and if you are after excessive admiration then you are feeling worthless.( see The article "inferiority, success and compensation")

Getting over Narcissism

If you are a narcissist then most probably you will escape reading this section because you are going to think that you are superior to me and that my advice is useless to you ,However, if you decided to sacrifice your narcissism for the sake of personal balance then keep reading.

The first thing you should do is to know your enemy, you are trying to exaggerate your self worth because deep inside you there are feelings of inferiority. you should direct your efforts towards getting over this wound and not anywhere else.

For some reason you felt insecure and that’s why you have built this shield to protect your true self. This is the time where you should collect your courage to look beneath this shield. Even if you didn’t like what you will find there you should move on because it’s the only way to personal balance.

I know that part of your self worth is based on true achievements and on real life success and I know that you posses some special abilities and that’s why you should have no problem in facing your real self and in healing your wounded inner child.

So to summarize this all, explore your wounds, deal with them and let go of your shield.

Narcissism Vs Over confidence

There is a thin line between narcissism and over confidence. I can’t describe one of them without mentioning the other as they are strongly connected, however, not all over confident people are narcissists.

Over confidence results from over estimating your abilities and skills due to positive past experiences or previous success, On the other hand, narcissism is thinking that you are superior and omnipotent.

If you are over confident I can’t tell you anything else other than take care. Lack of self confidence can hold you back but over confidence can cost you everything including your life. While lack of confidence can force you to stay at home instead of facing life over confidence can motivate you to jump in the sea even if you cant swim.

Dealing with the Narcissist

Contrary to common beliefs controlling a narcissist is as easy as using the Nintendo wee game console to play tennis ( I am assuming that you have at least 5 years of experience with video games :). Here are a few tips for dealing with narcissists

  • Bothering Him Much or even depressing Him: Ignoring a narcissist or being indifferent to him can kill him. Although he will devalue you for doing it still it will cause him much pain . Of course I am not telling you this information to use it against narcissists but this is an article about narcissism so it should include real life facts about them
  • Directing Him Somewhere: Just tell any narcissist that he can never learn Chinese and then leave him alone. Most probably you will find that he started Chinese courses few weeks later just to prove to you that he is superior and that you were wrong.
  • Make him Love You: Complement him, show him that you are impressed by his skills and tell him that you believe that he superior and he will be your best friend. This of course wont be true friendship because he got closer to you as a result of considering you a new source of narcissistic supply

Impressing a narcissist is very simple. Just convince him that you can do something that is of importance to him better than him and he will become impressed. In my book How to make someone fall in love with you, i explained how you can make narcissists and arrogant people fall in love with you by making them believe that you are superior to them. The moment you make those people believe that you are more powerful than them they will stick to you like your shadow.

Final Words to Narcissists

Hey Narcissists, unlike most of the people, I do believe that you are really strong and powerful. I am sure that that narcissism wont have never become a part of your personalities if there weren’t any true base for this strength you claim.

I know that you are achievers, intelligent and skilled but you still lack two things, balance and a solid self worth.

Why don’t you keep the positive part of narcissism while fixing the negative parts?
Build your real self worth and live with your true strength without your wearing your masks.

You are already strong then why are you faking it? And remember, even if you spent 50 years going in a direction other than the direction of personal balance one day you will discover that balance is the right thing to seek.

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