Why sex before marriage is bad (Psychological analysis)

Is sex before marriage a good thing?

Is sex before marriage a good thing?
After all it can harm no one if proper precautions were taken, right?
Well, not from a psychological point of view.

Let me first begin by explaining how men think of sex. Men can sometimes be hard to understand for women because their minds work in a totally different way. A man can be motivated to have sex with a woman fractions of seconds after seeing her. For men there is a very grey line between wanting to have sex with a woman and loving her. (see how men and women perceive attractiveness)

A man can love a woman because he is physically attracted to her. This of course can be very confusing for women who have to find lots of things present in a man before they can fall for him. (see also How do women choose their mates)

In short, one of the main motivations that drive men to love women is the desire to have sex. Again this can be very confusing with women who see love from a totally different angle. Many men can pursue relationships just to have sex without having any other goals in mind.

Of course a man doesn't select a woman based on his desire to have sex with her alone but still this factor is one of the biggest driving forces for his motivation to get into a relationship. So what's the problem with having sex before marriage?

Why sex before marriage is bad

I get many emails from women who feel bad because their men lost interest in them shortly after having sex. In my article Why do some men lose interest after having sex i explained how so many men feel like wanting to have sex with certain women to fulfill certain short term psychological goals.

A man who felt rejected by a certain woman might try to date another one who resembles her in order to win the battle he lost earlier. This man will most likely lose interest in that woman after having sex because his sex drive was derived mainly by psychological goals. In other words, when men are allowed to have sex before marriage they can go for short term goals then dump their women shortly after achieving those goals.

Only a man who is extremely interested in a woman will invest energy, money and time to get married to her. When sex only happens after marriage men will focus on their long term goals when choosing a life partner and will not go for very short term goals that can't lead to a fruitful relationship.

What about women?

Most women won't enjoy sex before certain psychological factors are present. In order for a woman to enjoy sex she needs to feel safe and secure in the relationship. Because this kind of security can hardly be fully achieved without marriage women are more likely to suffer from Pre-marriage relationships. (see also 5 things that make men more attractive to women)

Unlike men a woman's sex drive is tightly controlled by psychological factors and not just physical looks. Because a man can go for a relationship with very short term goals in mind a woman is very likely to suffer when the real intentions of the man becomes obvious.

When marriage is done first the possibility of the seriousness of the man goes much higher since a man can hardly commit to a very long term relationship without being sure of it.

The reason so many women fall for players is that those players find it very easy to get in and out of a relationship. After all if there are no strings attached then the player will go after any woman to fulfill his short term psychological goals then leave when done.

If however there were some barriers to entering into the relationship such as getting married then many players will stay away from women because of their inability to achieve their ultimate goal which is having sex.

In short, sex before marriage can result in so many wrong choices and in a great instability in the relationships.
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