Why do people have different sexual fantasies

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Why sexual desire is completely misunderstood

Let's suppose you have never seen a mobile phone before then found a lithium battery on the floor, will you ever be able to understand what it is without seeing an actual phone?

Of course you won't and this is the same reason why so many people fail to understand sexual desire. So many people, including psychologists, try to understand sexual desire on it's own without trying to connect it to the psychology of the individual they are trying to understand.

Contrary to common beliefs sex is not a goal but it's one of the tools the mind uses to achieve more important goals (for example the desire to feel superior). If a man always felt inferior to women then he might develop twisted sexual desires and odd fantasies of extreme domination such as BDSM.

I have to pause here and make it clear that the same sexual fantasy or desire can be developed for more than one reason. In other words, not each man who develops such fantasies feels inferior to women but it's one possible reason. (see also 5 reasons we fantasize and day dream

Why do people have different sexual fantasies

Yes people seek sex for the sake of pleasure but the type of sex they look for is greatly determined by their unconscious goals that were developed early in their childhood.

In my previous article about mentally unstable people who molest children i said that a bad past such as a one where a child was abused by his parents can result in forming the psychological goal of taking revenge from children who are living better lives.

Now such a mentally unstable person might develop sexual interest in young children. Does this mean that he is seeking sex for the sake of pleasure? Of course not he is doing so to achieve the unconscious goal he is not even aware of which is ruining the lives of children who are more fortunate than him.

In my book How to make someone fall in love with you i explained how the sexual desire is greatly determined by the person's unconscious mind. If a man for example was not sure of himself and wasn't brave enough to confront live then he might develop the goal of hesitation or not getting the important tasks completed.

Procrastination is one form of hesitation but losing sexual desire all together is a more subtle form of running away from problems. If a male stopped getting attracted to females then there might be an important goal that his subconscious mind is trying to reach such as protecting him from possible relationship failure.

Your sexual fantasies can help you understand who you are

As strange as it sounds this statement is perfectly correct. Your unconscious goals, the important goals your conscious mind might never be aware of, will always manifest in everything you do including your sexual fantasies.

As a simple example the fantasy of humiliating someone can point fingers to the unconscious goal of wanting to take revenge against that person. Again the possibilities are infinite but there is an easy way to single the correct one out.

Look at your other actions , away from the sexual part, and you will be able to find lots of things in common between your normal behavior and your sexual fantasies. Once the connection is found you will be able to figure out your exact unconscious goals and you will understand your sexual desires perfectly.

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