Why some people aren't romantic

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Deprived of love

People fantasize about the things they miss the most. I was reading an article about history that said that in France in the 12th century arranged marriages dominated the scene and people had no chance to marry the ones they truly loved.

As a result of this unmet need French people turned out to be more romantic, French was known to be the language of love and Paris became the city of Romance. Of course this is just a theory but i find that it makes a lot of sense.

This brings us to a very important conclusion. People who care about Romance the most could be the ones who were deprived of love in a way or another.

If for example a person didn't get much love from his parents, specifically the opposite-sexed parent, then this person will develop an intense need for love. See also Why you should meet the parents before dating someone.

This doesn't mean that every romantic person was actually deprived from love but there is no doubt that a certain percentage of people could become overly romantic because of that specific reason. It's just the fact that people strive as much as they can to fulfill the needs they didn't manage to fulfill at certain phases of their life.

Men and women are different

One of the major causes of problems between men and women is lack of understanding. So many women fail to understand men , and the opposite also happens, because they assume that men think like them.

The first important fact you must keep in your mind is that men and women are way different. Research and studies have shown that Men's brains are different than women's brains when it comes to many things especially romance. Once you realize that fact absorbing the rest of the information in this article will be much easier.

How men think

Men generally are motivated by sexual desire. Men get attracted to women when they find them sexually attractive. Of course I'd be saying nonsense if i said that sexual desire alone motivates men but i can safely say that sexual attraction is the most powerful motivating force behind men's behaviour with the opposite sex (See why sex before marriage is bad).

Now because women don't think that way they tend to find men's behaviour strange. While a woman might be thinking about a romantic dinner with candle lights all what a typical man would be thinking about is having sex.

The fact is hard to understand for most women because of the fact that they assume that their brains are similar to the brains of men (See how men and women perceive attractiveness).

The way men's brains work make them much less romantic than women. Men are practical, direct , goal oriented and competitive. The combination of those traits makes a typical man much less romantic than what's expected of him.

And when i talk about expectations i have to talk about romantic movies and novels. In my previous article Why is love not like in the movies i explained how the media has done a perfect job in changing people's idea about love and romance.

Many women believe that relationships are all about romance and flowers and that's why they get very disappointed when they find something different.

How Testosterone affects men

Testosterone makes men less romantic. Because Testosterone makes a man more assertive, competitive and sometimes angry men tend to think much little about romance.

Of course men do have a romantic side but it's not as big as women's nor it's as exaggerated as the movies make them seem like (See why an angry face makes a man more attractive to women).

Romance is connected with feminism

Many men hate to be romantic because inside their subconscious minds romance is connected with feminism and weakness. Feminism isn't a bad thing but when a man is considered feminine it's considered a real bad thing.

Many men avoid romance completely in order to display their manly side and hide their weaknesses. The pressure that is always put on men to seem manlier has prevented many men from acting in a romantic way.

Let me summarize everything about men and women. Men and women are different. Yes men can be romantic but to a certain extent. Men should be able to get over their insecurities in order to act romantic without having self doubts about their manliness while women should also have a realistic view of romance instead of depending on movies and novels to get their information.

Bargain hunters vs romantic people

Bargain hunters or overly practical people are the ones who think of everything in terms of logic. Those people can either be men and women and they think the same way even when it comes to love. Those people usually make decisions solely based on logic and are hardly affected by romantic emotions even if they had some.

In my previous article why men are not romantic i explained how bargain hunters, whether they are men or women, hardly seem romantic to anybody because of their unique way of thinking.

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Want to know more?

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Why do some men stay single

Psychological differences between men and women

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