How to deal with people who shout at you

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Why do people yell in anger

How do you feel when someone shouts at you?
Do you believe that you made a big mistake when someone shouts at you?
Do you panic when someone does that to you?

One of the readers of the website sent me an email asking me to explain how can someone deal with people who shout at him. Let me first begin by helping you understand why do people shout at others:

  • 1) Is it a control attempt?: You might think that controlling people use obvious ways to control others but in fact the more trained control freaks can use more advanced methods such as shouting at you in order to control you. The first thing you need to do is to find out whether this person is really trying to control you or not.
  • 2) Is it an attempt to make you ashamed?: Some people can trigger different emotions in others in order to control them. Some people shout at others to make them feel ashamed so that they can control them. In other words making you experience an unwanted emotion is one of the easiest methods to control you
  • 3) Did you exceed the limit?: Some People shout when they lose control over their own emotions. Each person has a certain level of tolerance and once you do something beyond what a person can tolerate he might burst in anger and shout at you

How to deal with people who shout at you

So how can you deal with a person who shouts at you?

First you need to understand the reason he is shouting at you so that you can act accordingly. If a parent shouts at you for example then there is a big possibility that he is doing it because he wants your own good. In such case you might just want to control your own anger and walk away.

If a friend shouted at you then you must assertively reply saying that you don't like someone to talk to you that way. If he did it again then you might want to stop talking to him for a day or two to show him how pissed off you got.

In all cases you need to make it clear in an assertive way that this is not acceptable and that you are totally ready to completely avoid the person who does so.

Control your own anger

Don't keep blaming a person for shouting at you then burst in anger as well when he does so. Of course it too annoying when someone shouts at you but this doesn't mean that shouting back is the soloution.

Instead you need to control your anger so that your assertive reply doesn't appear aggressive. When you reply to someone assertively you actually leave him no room to blame you and so he finds no other thing but to admit that he has made a mistake.

Assertiveness lies between submissiveness and aggression. The assertive response is tough enough to show a person that you are pissed off but its not aggressive enough to make him angrier.

Learn how to be assertive and use this skill whenever someone shouts at you.

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