Shame and self esteem

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Shame and self esteem

Sarah was planning to go to a party with her friends but when she started getting dressed she found that all of her clothes were not that fancy compared to her friends' clothes so she felt a little ashamed.

When she arrived to the party she didn’t park her car in the specified place because she was afraid that someone would discover that it’s an old and cheap one. No one has ever heard Sarah’s mobile ring tone that day simply because Sarah usually sets her mobile to "silent" to avoid letting people find out that it's an old one.

Why was she ashamed?

Why was Sarah ashamed of her belongings?

Sarah’s unconscious mind held a belief that she was less worthy than others. Sarah thought that the best way to hide this in-adequateness is to appear in front of everyone in a perfect form.

All of these precautions she always took had only one goal which is to cover her feeling of lack of self worth. If she felt worthy she would have known that having a small car or a cheap mobile does not define who she is.

That’s exactly what many other people do; they think that their belongings define who they are because deep inside they feel ashamed of being who they are. Perfectionists are perfect examples of people who are ashamed of appearing imperfect and that's why they do every possible thing to appear perfect in front of others.

How to get over shame and improve your self esteem

If you feel ashamed of who you are then most probably there is something that happened wrong in your past that affected your self esteem that way.

Feeling ashamed of your stuff, trying to perfect or trying to avoid people all together are all escapement methods that would only keep your problem unsolved.

The right way to get over this shame is to examine your past and find out what happened. After you discover the factor that robbed you your self esteem you must stat rebuilding it from the beginning, only then shame will leave you.

Shame and inferiority

Shame is strongly connected to inferiority. The feelings of shame are usually an indication of the inferiority feelings a person is suffering from.

While some people believe that making a mistake reduces their self worth those who experience shame believe that they are the mistake!

Again the solution to this problem is building self esteem. The process might be lengthily but it will pay off. Build your self esteem today.

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