what makes a child become a bully

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

What makes a child become a bully

What makes a child become a bully?
Why does a bully feel good when he bullies his friends?

Recent research has shown that bullies don't have low self esteem as it was previously thought but it showed that most of them have average and sometimes above average self esteem.

So if the child who became a bully is not doing it to feel worthy then why did he become a bully?

It was found that most bullies come from families that have a lot of violence in their daily lives. For example if the child sees his father beating his mother every now and then then he might start to think that violence is a good option to solve problems and he might become a bully.

Reasons children become bullies

The house of the bully usually lacks empathy and adequate supervision, that's why the aggressive tendencies for the child grows until he starts bullying his friends.

Now when that child faces a problem such as lack of attention in school he uses the aggression he learned at home (since its a valid option for him) to capture attention and to appear cool.

Other children become bullies as a result of being bullied themselves or even abused. Those children usually look for weaker victims to bully in order regain the sense of control they lost when they were bullied themselves.

Its quite common for a bully to look for a weak victim which he can recognize from his experience in order to exert control over him with the least effort.

A child can become bully because of feelings of shame

high self esteem and feelings of shame can coexist together.
Even though it was found that a bully can have a high self esteem still it was found that he experiences a certain degree of shame.

This shame comes from feeling that he is undesirable or not loved (maybe because of being abused at his home) and that's why he uses bullying to maintain his psychological balance.

While a child who became a bully might have a good self esteem still he might be feeling ashamed of his weaknesses and actually afraid of getting them exposed.

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