Why is he not interested in me

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Your past and being interested in people

Matt was a bit shy when he was a teen. During that period he failed to attract the attention of pretty girls at school who totally ignored him.

When Matt grew up he found himself strongly attracted to very beautiful and popular women in the neighborhood. He never knew why he is only attracted to high profile women and not others.

Matt managed to get in a relationship with one of those attractive women he was after but few weeks after the relationship started he found himself losing interest and chasing another one.

What is happening to Matt and why is he acting this way?

Not interested in people

Matt was haunted by his past failures in dealing with certain type of girls. That’s why he always got attracted to the similar type of girls especially the ones who didn't give him any attention.

Matt was not interested in any girl who wasn’t popular, well known and demanded by everybody. Even if she had lots of other qualities he would have considered her a real boring person.

Matt considered lots of girls boring and treated them badly and as a result they felt bad about themselves. If they just understood that Matt wasn’t interested in them because of his past failures they wouldn’t have felt that bad.

As soon as a girl gave Matt attention he starts to feel that he has no emotions for her because he was always looking for people who ignore him in order to heal his past wound.

Why is he not interested in me

In the Solid Self confidence program i said that If someone is not interested in you or even if he thinks that you are boring then this doesn’t mean that there is something bad with you but it could only mean that this person is after other types of people who ignored him in his past. (see The need for belonging).

We label people interesting when they help us satisfy some of our unmet needs and since lots of these unmet needs stem from the past we tend to find those who help us finish our past unfinished business interesting.

On the other hand we find people boring when they don’t help us by any means to satisfy our unmet needs. The next time someone thinks that you are boring or not interesting don't feel bad but instead try to figure out his unmet needs and you might end up pitying him.

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