Definition of emotional intelligence

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

definition of emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, acknowledge, manage and handle your emotions in such a way that promotes personal growth. The web is full of different definitions for emotional intelligence and that's why i will give you a practical example to help you understand emotional intelligence perfectly.

1) A person who projects his anger on his little child just because he had a fight with his manager or
2) a driver who shouts at the other drivers in the street just because the hot weather was irritating

are both examples of people who aren’t emotionally intelligent.

Emotionally intelligent people know the real reasons behind their emotions and thus they don’t confuse them with other factors. If For example, your best friend betrayed you in the past and as a result you developed a fear of trusting people in general then you are not applying emotional intelligence in your life.

Emotional intelligence is a way of identifying and managing your emotions in such a way that you become able to control them in better way and direct them in the right direction.

Failing to recognize your emotions & Emotional intelligence

Lots of people feel bad without knowing why and the majority of them blame incorrect reasons for the bad feelings they get.

Why do you think many people become bad tempered when they feel stressed?
Those people have bad stress management abilities yet they always think that others are the ones to blame.

If those people were to understand that they become bad tempered because of their lack of stress management abilities then they would have taken the first step towards becoming emotionally intelligent people.

Some people think that they are bored because the town they live in is boring but the truth is that they are bored because something inside them needs a fix and not the place they live in.

Again becoming emotionally intelligent in such a case involves learning how to understand the real reasons behind their unwanted emotions so that they can deal with them correctly.

some people spend years suffering from a breakup thinking that they loved that person while the truth is that they only needed him to compensate for one of their personal weaknesses.

In my book How to get over anyone in few days I described how can some people keep suffering from a breakup for a long time even if the reason for suffering was something else other than loving the person they broke up with.

Some people feel depressed thinking that their life style promotes depression while the truth is that there is a deeply buried issue in their minds that they are afraid to bring to the surface and that is responsible for their depression.(see Self deception)

There are lots of examples of people who didn't develop emotional intelligence and so failed to recognize the real reasons behind their unwanted emotions and so ended up being unhappy and dissatisfied.

How to become emotionally intelligent

The steps for becoming emotionally intelligent are clear and well known but applying them requires lots of hard work in addition to a solid Self discipline.

The first thing you should do in order to become emotionally intelligent is to learn how to identify the real reasons for your emotions instead of blaming other innocent factors for them.

After recognizing the reasons behind your emotions its then the time to handle them in an intelligent way. For example, knowing that you are angry because you had a fight with your manager should help you prevent yourself from shouting at your innocent child.

In summary, if you understood your emotions then learned how to channel them in a way that doesn’t cause harm to you or to the people around you then you will become an emotionally intelligent person.

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