Controlling your emotions at work, in a relationship and everywhere else

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Controlling your emotions at work, in a relationship and everywhere else

sometimes you might know exactly what you should do in order to get what you want yet find yourself doing the complete opposite as a result of emotional responses.

All people know that they should control their temper in order to communicate more effectively with others yet most of them lose control of their emotions and mess things up.

All people know that they should control their stress in order to be able to properly deal with life problems yet most of them lose control.

Learning how to control your emotions in a relationship, at work and everywhere else is an essential skill that everyone who is serious about success must acquire.

Just like knowing what to do is vital knowing how to control your emotions is important so that you can allow yourself to apply what you know.

How to control your emotions?

In order to know how to control your emotions you have to first understand what causes an emotional change. The following are the steps that happen before your emotions change from one state to another:

  • An external event happens (For example, finding yourself in a dark place)
  • Your self talk fires (what if a monster appeared??)
  • Your emotions are triggered (I am afraid)
  • You have the choice of either controlling your emotions or giving in to them ("there are no monsters in here i shouldn't be afraid" or "ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun")

As you can see there are two points where you can control your emotions. The first point is at the self talk level where you can prevent the emotion from appearing before its even triggered and the second point is after the emotion is triggered where you can either control it or just give in to it.

Practical steps for controlling your emotions

The following is a practical plan that is based on the previous facts that will help you be in control of your emotions:

1) Control your self talk
2) Whenever you feel a certain emotion try to control it. Don't allow it to grow because giving up to the emotion will only result in loss of control
3) Every time you practice emotional control it will become easier so train everyday

If you succeeded in controlling your emotions you will take more rational decisions, you will communicate with people in a more effective way and you will become happier. Lots of people know how to communicate effectively but they fail to do it because they lack the ability to control their emotions.

Controlling your emotions in relationships

Sometimes its crucial to keep controlling your emotions until you listen to someone to the end. In my book The ultimate guide to maintaining a healthy relationship i explained how emotional control can be one of the pillars that supports a relationship.

After all, if your partner did something that you didn't like then exploding at him without knowing the reason may ruin your relationship. On the other hand, Listening to the reason first before you act may help you avoid a fight. In order to do this you need to learn how to control your emotions.

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