Fear of trusting people

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Problems trusting People

I have an old friend who lives beside me but I didn’t see him since five years. Its not because he left to another city but its because he decided not to cross any streets again!! The guy lives in his house and he didn’t come out of it since years in order to avoid crossing the streets.

I don’t want you to think that my friend is a mad guy because the reason he is doing so is that a terrible accident happened to one of his friends while crossing the street one day so he decided to lock himself up not to experience a similar accident.

I know it sounds weird but it’s the same thing that people who have problems trusting others do. They just experience one betrayal or they even see it happening to one of their friends then they decide not to trust anyone else again.

Why do some people have problems trusting others?

If someone grew up in family where the parents were divorced because of trust issues he may automatically fear to trust other people. If the mother cheated on the father, the son may grow up having trust problems towards all women and vice versa.

A Person may also develop fear of trusting people if he saw one of his friends suffering badly because of trust issues. Its doesn’t really matter if he was the one who was betrayed or if he saw someone else suffering from betrayal because in both cases the the subconscious mind will still consider trusting other people dangerous.

Some parents keep feeding their children with false beliefs about trust. These parents just describe their past experiences thinking that they will happen to everyone else and as a result the child grows up having trust issues. ( see the article impossible is nothing for more information on false beliefs)

The problem with thinking that people aren’t trust worthy

If you believed in any idea then your subconscious mind will gather for you all the clues that proves this idea true. Your subconscious will discard some important events and will focus on the ones that prove that people aren’t trust worthy.

If a girl thinks that she should never trust a guy then her subconscious mind will let her fall in love with a liar who will then cheat on her just to prove to her that she should not trust anyone.

That’s why some women tend to always get into abusive relationships. Because they think that all men are abusers their subconscious minds always finds them abusive guys to support their beliefs.

I am not saying that people are angels, while there are people whom you should not trust still there are good people out there. All people can’t be trusted but still some can be trusted.

How to Trust people Again

Below are some practical steps that can help you in trusting others again:

  • Whenever you have problems trusting someone ask yourself these questions, if someone wasn’t trust worthy does this mean that the whole world is not? If I had a car accident one day does this mean that I should not cross the street anymore? If one of my parents cheated on the other then does this mean that the whole world are cheaters? The more you ask yourself these questions the more you will be challenging your incorrect beliefs about others and the more you will start trusting people
  • Whenever you find yourself prejudging others remind yourself that your subconscious mind can prove this idea even if it was false. The only way you can find the truth about people is avoiding any kind of bias, only then you will discover who is really trust worthy and who isn’t .
  • Even if you discovered that someone wasn’t trust worthy know that one person doesn’t represent the whole world because he is still one person.
  • Allow others to trust you by being honest. People who cheat on others and who lie often usually have problems trusting others because they think that everyone else is going to be like them.

You don’t have to trust everyone but you must know that there are some people out there who can be trusted.

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