How friends can ruin your future relationships

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

We are different

How many times did you ask your friends for advice when it comes to relationships?
How many times your friends recommended a person you didn't really like or pushed you away from a person you liked?
Is asking your friends about their opinion a good idea?
Or could that lead to serious problems?

One of the facts many people miss is that each person is totally different and unique. A person could be raised in such a way that he finds certain traits attractive while another person can be raised in another way that makes him find those same traits repulsive. See the psychology of attraction.

I talked many times about the love map and i said that each person has a different list that motivates him to seek certain kinds of people.

In other words my list is different than your list and both our lists may be very different than a third person's list.

So what does this have to do with ruining future relationships?

How friends can ruin your future relationships

When you ask a person about his opinion about your partner you are actually asking him to compare your partner against his own list or love map. What will happen here is that this person will start pointing out both flaws and good traits based on his own perception which is based on his own map.

As a result of this talk you might change your opinion a little bit. Later on you might even ask another person for his opinion and end up getting more convinced with their points of view.

As each person keeps directing you towards his own important items you will lose a sense of what you really want and end up choosing a person who meets few items in each of your friends' lists.

In short you will end up with a partner who is collectively selected by the opinions of the people you interact with. But because you are the one who will end up living with that person you could simply end up being miserable after realizing that you ignored your own needs.

Relationship dissatisfaction

Shortly after you get into a relationship with that person you will start to realize slowly that this person doesn't match the important items in your list. In such a case your friends could keep programming you to keep moving forward but this will only make things worse.

Sooner or later you will realize that you took the wrong decision and then you will end up with both a breakup and a bad experience.

Yes it's a good idea to ask friends for advice but unless you be 100% aware of the fact that each person has his own different love map you can end up with the wrong person.

Ask your friends for advice but keep in mind that they are describing things from their own perspective which stems from their own beliefs. You also need to be able to tell what's important for you and what's not because in most cases speaking to people can confuse you and make you think that some of the things you really wanted aren't that important.

In short know what you want perfectly then go for it, if you did so you will be extremely happy in relationships and all other life areas.

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