I lack confidence

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

I lack confidence

Years ago I was just like you searching for a solution to increase my self confidence which was near zero if not below it. I started reading articles, joining online programs and purchasing books that promised me confidence.

I thought that I would find something really helpful in these materials but instead I found people telling me:

  • Say "I like myself" everyday out loud: Not knowing that those people were not aware of the fact that the subconscious mind can't accept beliefs before solid proofs are provided. Your subconscious will respond to this message saying, "really, why do you feel worthless then if you like yourself?"
  • Others told me to accept myself: Not knowing that they weren’t aware of the fact that the subconscious mind can’t accept something it doesn’t like unless it can’t be changed. You can accept the death of a close relative but even if you used all the known techniques in the world you won't convince your subconscious mind to accept something you don't like about yourself that can be changed
  • A third group asked me to repeat affirmations: Not knowing that saying I am confident while i am not makes my subconscious mind believes that I am fooling it and thus results in feelings of guilt because of the self deception taking place. A recent research has proven that people who repeat affirmations that are against their beliefs about themselves feel down and less confident after saying them (see Do positive affirmations work?)

After years of research, practical experiments and knowledge collection i figured out what works and what doesn’t work. I knew why affirmations never worked and why most people become disappointed after using hypnosis. I knew why self acceptance schools failed to let people who lack self confidence accept themselves.

The secret behind self confidence

No you don’t need a hypnosis download or a magical pill to alter your brain chemistry in order to become really confident but you need to do the following:

  • Succeed in doing what you failed to do before: If you lack confidence because you can’t approach people or speak in public then learn how to do these things and succeed in doing them more than once. As soon as your subconscious mind finds you succeeding it will trust you and you will feel confident
  • If it’s that easy then why didn’t i succeed before: I know that you might be saying to yourself that if it was so easy to succeed in doing something that you failed to do before then you would have already done it but the truth is that you failed because you lacked a certain skill. Develop this skill that you lack and you will succeed in doing that thing you failed to do before. Self confidence building is all about acquiring the skills that you lack then using them to prove to your subconscious mind that you are worthy
  • Repeat Actions not affirmations: Each affirmation that doesn’t match your belief system is a lie and each action that proves to your subconscious mind that you are capable of doing something is a powerful affirmation. Repeat your success over and over and you will become self confident
  • Change what can be changed then accept the rest: In the Solid Self confidence program I explained how your subconscious mind will think that you are fooling it if you tried to convince it to accept the shape of your large belly!! If the thing that you don’t like can be changed then your subconscious mind will never accept it because it knows that you can do something about it.

The lazy self confidence building school

I really wonder why lots of people who give self confidence building advice follow the lazy self confidence building school. They ask you to lie in bed, repeat affirmations then stand in the front of the mirror and accept yourself!!!

Building self confidence is about learning new skills that you lack, interacting with the world, failing many times before succeeding and taking actions.

Lie in bed, repeat all the affirmations in the world, listen to all the hypnosis downloads you can find, try to accept yourself without changing it and when everything fails to make you feel confident come back here and follow the action driven self confidence building school.

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Want to know more?

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