Why is self acceptance so hard

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Does self acceptance really work?

Thousands of online websites mention the importance of self acceptance and how it can help the person build his self esteem and while I agree with them on the importance of self acceptance still its clear that a person who doesn’t love himself or who doesn’t like something about himself will Never be able to apply self acceptance the way they preach.

Its very common to find an article asking you to accept yourself, to love yourself and to love who you are but what if your subconscious mind doesn’t like who you are?
or what if you hate being yourself?
Will self acceptance work?

No it will never work because unless you convince your subconscious mind to accept who you are you will always feel that you don't deserve this acceptance.

Can affirmations help in self acceptance?

No they can never do any good. Using affirmations to accept yourself is like convincing yourself that you have a perfect body while you know that you have gained 60 extra pounds lately.

You can only accept yourself when you get rid of the things you dislike about yourself and not when you start using affirmations to cover the truth.

If you have no social skills, no friends and no social life, what will the “Accept yourself” advice do for you? It will only give you an excuse to stay where you are and in the same time it will lower your self esteem even more because your subconscious mind will understand that you are trying to deceive it. (See Lying to yourself)

Why is self acceptance so hard

Here is the fast and quick answer. You find self acceptance hard because you are doing it wrong.

In the Solid Self confidence program i said that accepting yourself can’t be done by affirmations, positive thinking or by standing in front of the mirror and saying "I love myself".

All of the previous methods only build a fake crust surrounding the real you that prevents you from getting in touch with your real self and that isolates your real needs.

Real self acceptance happens when you start changing your habits, life style and actions so that you find yourself worthy of being accepted. Suppose that being shy was the reason you can't accept yourself. In such a case you should fight to develop social skills, read all articles about shyness and force yourself to deal with people. Only then your subconscious mind will help you accept yourself because it will believe in you.

If there is something about you that you dislike while you can change it then self acceptance will not happen unless you get rid of it. Self acceptance is about taking actions to remove the things and the factors that are preventing you from accepting yourself rather than staying defeated and trying to convince yourself that you love yourself.

If you hate the fact that you are weak then learn how to become strong
If you hate the fact that you are not successful then learn how to become successful
If you don’t like your body shape then change It through exercising

Don't lie to yourself, self acceptance can only happen when you take actions and change the things that you dislike about yourself.

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