how messed up relationships affect mate choice

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

How we change our perception of things

These days i am driving a Z4. after few month of driving that car i started to realize that i should be very careful while moving in unpaved roads. While the sports car is amazing still it can't go off road or run fast in tough roads.

I have never been a fan of 4x4 cars but recently i started thinking about the advantages a hammer would have. I never imagined myself driving a 4x4 simply because i never liked them but i believe that buying a 4x4 will be a part of my future plans. (see also Buying your dream car)

Now did you notice what happened?
When i got to see the disadvantages of the car i loved i changed my opinion about the car i didn't like earlier just because it doesn't have these disadvantages.

This is how the human mind works. In the beginning you like something so much and right after you get it you might discover that there are other important needs that this thing can't fullfil. As a result you might find yourself getting attracted to something that never appealed to you before.

how messed up relationships affect mate choice

The same concept exactly happens in relationships. Some people don't quite understand what they really want before they get into a messed up relationship. (see also Falling in love with an abuser)

People start to know what they really want when they come across what they don't want. In my book how to make someone fall in love with you i said that people fall in love with someone when he meets the criteria they have in their subconscious minds.

Now what a messed up relationship does is that is changes the priority of certain items in this subconscious list. A female friend of mine was not attracted to a person who was chasing her. He was a typical academic guy who puts work before everything.

Right after she got up into a messed up relationship with someone who had no career or future prospects she started finding the first guy really attractive and they got married. (see also Why do we find people attractive)

How to avoid choosing the wrong partner

In order not to make this mistake you need to make sure you do the following:

  • 1) Understand yourself perfectly: Many relationships fail because people go for the first choice without really understanding what suits them. When you get to understand yourself more you will be able to pick the partner who suits you the most
  • 2) Don't rush it: Some people, especially in eastern societies, rush into marriage without making proper calculations. When i found that i needed a car with more capabilities i just put a plan to buy another one. fortunately with cars you can have more than one and no one will complain but in relationships you might get stuck forever with the wrong choice you made
  • 3) Find out why relationships fail: Collect experience from the people around you. Whenever a relationship fails try to understand what went wrong whenever possible so that you collect some experience. When you know why relationships fail you will be in a better position to make the right choice (see also Dealing with rejection in relationships)

People who don't understand how others perceive physical attraction usually develop the imagined ugliness disorder.

The book The psychology of physical attraction explained was released by 2knowmyself. This book won't just help you understand how the attraction process happens but it will also help you discover how attractive you are and will assist you in getting over the imagined ugliness problem.

Want to know more?

How peer pressure leads to divorce

What causes infidelity

How the available options affect your choice

How to get over anyone in few days (book)

How to make anyone fall in love with me fast (book)

How to end Depression instantly (book)

How to control people's minds (Course)

How to develop rock solid self confidence fast (course)

Hundreds of Psychology Videos

2knowmyself Best Selling Books

How to make someone fall in love with you.
Based on the psychology of falling in love

How to get over anyone in few days
Breakups will never hurt like before.

How i became a dot com millionaire
The ultimate guide to making money from the internet