Falling in love with your abuser

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

The story of Liz

Liz had a bad past experience with her first relationship. She fell in love with a man who turned out to be aggressive, emotionally absent and abusive.

After months of suffering and after all of her friends stood beside her to help her recover from that abusive relationship she started living her normal life once again.

Few month later she met another person and got attracted to him despite her friends' warnings. When she go into a relationship with that person she discovered that he was an exact copy of her previous partner!

Why do people fall for the same type over and over

In a previous article i explained how the way people are raised determine the type of persons they get attracted to.

In my attraction psychology book i said that your past experiences will usually affect the way you perceive others and as a result help you get attracted to the best person for you. (see also Predicting behavior from actions in the past)

Now here is where the puzzle lies; if a person was attracted to someone who turned out to be abusive why will he get attracted to similar people later on?

Its because their subconscious minds wants to give them the chance to win the battle that they lost earlier!

Our subconscious mind always forms associations by connecting unrelated objects. Our minds believe that people who look alike might share the same personality traits. (see also How your experience database affects your perception of attractiveness).

When a person gets abused he might feel like wanting to become powerful so that he controls his abuser. Now when the person fails to do so he might get attracted to a new person who shares certain traits with that abuser in order to give himself the chance to try again!

If that person won this time then his subconscious mind will believe that he revenged for what happened to him earlier.

Why don't all people fall for their abusers

Why do some people learn to avoid anyone who reminds them of their abusers while others go for the ones who resemble their abusers?

Its because people develop different life styles as the result of the way they were raised. If a person got through certain life experiences and was raised in such an environment that made him become stubborn then there is a big possibility that he will chase people who look like his abuser (because he is too stubborn to admit defeat).

If a person on the other hand was raised in a different way then he might prefer to avoid the dangers of getting hurt or treated badly once again.

2knowmysef is not a complicated medical website nor a boring online encyclopedia but rather a place where you will find simple, to the point and effective information that is backed by psychology and presented in a simple way that you can understand and apply. If you think that this is some kind of marketing hype then see what other visitors say about 2knowmyself.

The Solid confidence program was launched by 2knowmyself.com; the program will either help you become more confident or give you your money back.

Want to know more?

How body smell affects attractiveness

How hormonal changes affect females preferences for men

The secret to attracting love

How to get over anyone in few days (book)

How to make anyone fall in love with me fast (book)

How to end Depression instantly (book)

How to control people's minds (Course)

How to develop rock solid self confidence fast (course)

Hundreds of Psychology Videos

2knowmyself Best Selling Books

How to make someone fall in love with you.
Based on the psychology of falling in love

How to get over anyone in few days
Breakups will never hurt like before.

How i became a dot com millionaire
The ultimate guide to making money from the internet