Why you probably don't know what you want in a relationship

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Do you know what you really want?

Many people, especially women, claim that they want to be with certain types of people then end up being with totally different ones.

How many times a woman told you that she wants to be with a nice and kind person then later you found her with a rough and cold person? (see also Why do good women fall for bad men)

How many times you wrote down the list of the things you want to find in your future partner only to find yourself with someone who is totally different?

Why does this happen?

Here is the short answer, most people think they know exactly what they want from a relationship only to discover later on that they wanted something else.

What do i really want in a relationship

In my article Love psychology i explained how your subconscious mind keeps collecting data from the experiences you go through in order to use them to help you find the future partner that suits you the most.

Lets suppose that a man was raised in a house where his mother was in control of everything. In such a case he might rebel against his past by looking for an extremely submissive woman. Now this one condition, that a woman must be submissive, will be added to the list present in his subconscious mind even if he wasn't consciously aware of its existence.

In other words, this man isn't going to tell you that he wants to be with a submissive woman when you ask him about the type of women he prefers. The man won't be lying but he actually won't tell this fact because he isn't consciously aware of it.

Now that man will most likley get attracted to women who have facial features that communicate submissiveness. Now ask that man what he wants in a relationship and he is very likley to tell you about the things he is consciously aware of but as you just knew those things might be too far from what his subconscious mind is actually looking for. (see also The psychology of love)

How to make the right choice in a relationship?

Just as you saw the subconscious mind might have a lot of information that the conscious mind isn't aware of and based on this fact you won't be able to search for what you want in the right places before you become consciously aware of it. (see also Should i trust my intuation)

When you get to know what's in your subconscious mind you will be able to make conscious decisions that help you find what you are looking for faster.

Self understanding is the thing you need to work on. By closing the gap between your conscious and subconscious mind and getting to know what's exactly in your subconscious list you will be able to understand what you want from a relationship perfectly. (see also How talking to yourself can help you understand it more)

People who don't understand how others perceive physical attraction usually develop the imagined ugliness disorder.

The book The psychology of physical attraction explained was released by 2knowmyself. This book won't just help you understand how the attraction process happens but it will also help you discover how attractive you are and will assist you in getting over the imagined ugliness problem.

Want to know more?

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