3 Reasons men aren't meant to be monogamous

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Are men really monogamous?

In a famous study a male rat was allowed to mate with a female rat until exhaustion. After some time the male rat lost energy and didn't try to approach the female rat again. However when another female was put in the cage the male rat became instantly sexually active and started mating with the new female. This kept happening as the researchers kept introducing new females.

Studies have shown that males do lose their sexual interest in their women when they get into a long term relationship. This doesn't mean that a man no longer gets attracted to his woman but it's just the fact that lack of novelty lowers male libido and reduces sexual desire.

There is no excuse for a man to cheat on his wife. In my article Reasons some men cheat i explained how some psychological disorders can lead to cheating. However this doesn't mean that a man who doesn't cheat doesn't get attracted to other females.

A healthy man will automatically find a good looking woman provoking no matter how loyal he was. Men's minds have a built in system that helps them choose the right women. A man will always get attracted to females who have a low waist to hip ratio, feminine facial features and symmetric faces. (see What attracts men)

Evolutionary psychologists say that early men mated with more than one woman to spread their genes. However as monogamy became the new norm , few hundreds of years ago, polygamy became a shameful and sensitive topic.

3 Reasons men aren't meant to be monogamous

  • 1) Love & sexual attraction is almost the same for men: Because most men fall in love when they see attractive females they always feel like wanting more than one woman. Many men don't declare that fact but this doesn't mean that those men don't experience those feelings (see also Why do some men lose interest after having sex)
  • 2) Men were polygamous throughout history: When you study history you will discover that men were always polygamous and that they just became monogamous in the recent era due to social pressure and other factors
  • 3) Male libido drops when he commits to one woman: As the studies have shown male libido goes low when he commits to one women. Men who are allowed to have sex with more than one woman usually have a much higher interest in sex

In another theory men who are already polygamous, according to the theory, had to become monogamous to prevent other males from killing their offspring. When men mate with more than one woman and have so many children it becomes hard to protect them all and because of that reason men started sticking to one female to easily protect the family.

What does this mean to a woman?

I quite understand how frustrating it can be for a woman to read about such studies. The main aim for this article is to help women understand how men think. This article doesn't imply under any case that cheating should be accepted but it just attempts to give you a better understanding of the male brain.

A man who secretly fantasies about another woman isn't necessary a cheater. Its just that the way men are forces them to get sexually aroused by novelty. A man who married a white woman might one day wish to marry a dark woman and the opposite is true. Men always want to have sex with more partners and it takes a great effort for a man to stay committed to one woman.

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Want to know more?

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