To Know My Enemy,Part III

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

You are My Brother

When she suddenly appeared in his life he felt happy like never before. He felt that all of his problems were solved and that the sadness era is over.

He was so attached to her to the extent that he couldn’t sleep at night because of thinking about her. One day he decided to declare his love to her. He collected all of the courage he has got and then told her about his feelings But he received one of his biggest life shocks; she told him that he is no more than a brother to her.

For months he felt broken and desperate. It seemed to him that life has got no meaning until one day he met another girl and loved her.

The same scenario happened again, he couldn’t sleep, he thought that she is the one and that life is meaningless without her and when he told her about his feelings she replied with the same reply "Am sorry but I just consider you my brother"

Broken Heart?

Most of us have experienced relationship disappointment more than once before and the story above may have perfectly described what happened to some of us before.

The problem with that guy was not the disappointment he felt after his breakup but the real problem was with his own Mood before falling in love with her.

The guy was broken and desperate before he even got into the first relation And each time he fell in love it was like finding a way of escapement from the bad moods he was suffering from.

That’s why he was attached to these girls. Not because he loved them much but because without being in a relation he would return back to his normal state of misery and pain.

In the story above the guy had several personal problems that resulted from lack of self understanding which made his life intolerable. That’s why any relation represented for him a good chance to escape from this creepy mood.

He didn’t love the first girl or the second one but he was just running away from his real enemy which is his lack of self understanding and the pain it was causing him.

What about you?

Do you know why do you sometimes become broken after someone leaves you?

Its because you are returning back to the previous state of feeling that you were in before you met that person!! You don’t care about the person himself but you care about the sadness and pain that you are going to return to!!

The problem is not with your breakup but its with the state of feeling that you will return back to after you become single!! if you were happy before meeting that person then most probably the breakup wont have affected you that much.

I know that this may sound weird but this is how your subconscious mind operates. if you were happy and satisfied without a relation then a breakup wont hurt you that much. You will just feel sad for few days then you will become stronger than you were before.

But if you were already broken before you got into a relation then getting out of the relation will cause you much pain because it will bring you back to the bad mood you were in before.

Know Your Enemy

Feeling bad after a breakup is normal and healthy but when you feel bad because you are going to return to your old state of feeling then the problem is not with the breakup but its with the state you were in before going into that relationship.

Just Ask yourself these questions:

Why am I unable to tolerate being alone?
Why do I feel bad when i am single?
Do I really love that person or am I just using him as a method of escapement?
Is the breakup my real enemy or is there something else that used to bother me before I even got into this relationship?

The first step you should do to take out your enemy is to recognize him. know your real enemy instead of blaming your breakups for your sadness or your bad moods. Know that you should be feeling happy while being single and happier while being in a relationship.

If you felt happy while being in love and broken while being alone then know that you are fighting the wrong enemy. Know your real enemy and fight him.

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