Self Confidence and Dignity

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Self Esteem

Self esteem, another word used for describing self confidence. The name is derived from the word estimation. Its as if the self esteem is the estimation the person makes of his own self worth. If you estimated that you are worthy then you will definitely be a confident person and vise versa.

Self esteem is not fixed but it changes throughout your life. Sometimes it goes up and sometimes it goes down but there are certain things along the way that reduce self esteem badly. There are certain life events that could give a blow to your hardly acquired self confidence in few seconds.

The reason these events are so destructive is not because they are extraordinary events but rather because you give others the right to value you and when their valuation drops below your expectations you lose your self confidence.

A guy fell in love with a girl he kept calling her over and over but she never called him back. she had enough of his calls and so she decided to ask him not to call her again and this was enough to shatter his self worth into small pieces.

The reason he felt bad was delegating to her the authority of determining his self worth and since she considered him not interesting he felt worthless.

So What is Dignity?

Dignity is not giving others the right to evaluate you even if you need their approval. If you are dying for someone you may unintentionally give him the right to evaluate you, either by calling him repeatedly or by continuously offering yourself to him.

I am not talking about declaring love or showing interest but I am talking about the situations where you discount your value just to get something you need from other people. see the following examples and the concept will become more clear:

  • Getting Close to those who abandoned you: Lots of people keep chasing the friends who never call them, the people who never care for them and the lovers who don’t want to be with them. How many times have you felt bad for devaluing yourself just to receive a word of thanks or a smile but you never received it? How many times have you asked someone "why don’t you call me?" and how many times have you asked someone "Why didn’t you invite me ?"
  • Tell me if I am Worthy: How many times have you tried to flirt with people then anxiously awaited their response? How many times have you felt bad when they considered you uninteresting? How many times have you tried to send mails or tried to add them on social networking websites and felt bad because they didn’t reply?
  • Sacrificing Dignity For something else: How many times have you accepted staying in an abusive relationship just because you needed security or love? How many times have you accepted to remain working under the management of an arrogant and sarcastic boss just because you needed money? How many times have you decided to give up some dignity to get something else in exchange that is less valuable?

I could have mentioned lots of other examples but I think its now clear. Dignity is all about sacrificing something that you are really in need of in order to preserve your self worth.

whether this something was love, money, security, being noticed or even worse, a smile, your self esteem and self worth will get battered each time you don’t get that thing and even if you got it you will still feel unworthy because in exchange you have traded some self confidence.

Dignity and Self Confidence

How come do you want to feel self confident while you are running after everyone just to get anything that you can get? How come do you want to feel worthy while your self worth is subject to valuation by all of those people surrounding you? How come do you want to feel proud while you are desperately chasing people for approval or for words of thanks?

If you haven’t tried before to sacrifice your needs for Dignity then try it and I promise that you will find your self confidence shooting high up every time you do it. The amount of self confidence you will feel when you sacrifice something for your own self worth is tremendous.

When people flee away from you and when they try to avoid you, never call them back, and when they call you one day and invite you, reply with a smile and say "I am sorry, but I don’t want to come"

When your boss treats you like a worthless thing, when he shouts at you and when he criticizes you repeatedly, tell him, "I am sorry, but the money am earning and all the money in the world is not worth being treated like that"

When someone ignores you, ignore him, and when someone avoids you avoid him, and when someone devalues you devalue him, only then you will feel really worthy. After all it all depends on the message you send to your subconscious mind, This message could be one of the following Two:

1) I really need that thing so I just have to sacrifice my self worth in order to get it
2) Even if I am dying for it there is nothing in the whole world that is worth sacrificing my self esteem

Even if you need that thing so much, even if you cant live without it, even if your business will go bankrupt, even if you will die, your self worth is much more important than everything else.

Don't think that ignoring such advice will result in peace of mind or in avoiding problems. If you ignored a problem that is bothering you, your subconscious mind will respond with feelings of depression. In my book, The ultimate guide to getting over depression i explained how depression can just be a message sent to you by your subconscious mind when you fail to deal with a life problem or when you start ignoring it.

Never ignore your problems and never let go of your dignity.

"It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees"
Emiliano Zapata

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