Why you should meet the parents before dating someone

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

How the relationship with the parents determine future interactions

One of the facts not all people are aware of is that the relationship with the family determines to a great extent the way a person behaves in romantic relationships. When children are born the first people they come in contact with are their parents (or their caregivers). The interaction that happens between the children and their caregivers helps them build their ideas about the world and other humans.

If any problems happened during that phase children build a wrong idea about other people as a result of assuming that they will be like their parents. In such a case the person approaches other people with a set of predetermined beliefs that affect his future relationships.(see How your past affects your present)

The relationship of a child with his opposite sexed parent determines to a great extent how he will see members of the opposite sex. If a girl had daddy issues then there is a big possibility that she will have issues with men. If a guy didn't like his mom for a reason or another then there is a great possibility that his relationship with all women will be affected. If a child was raised with an unstable environment then he might have issues dealing with all other people. (see Top 10 parenting mistakes)

Why you should meet the parents before dating someone

Here are few examples that will help you realize how family issues affect future romantic relationships:

  • 1) You don't love me: Sarah's dad was always busy to give her the love and affection she longed for. Sarah's subconscious mind developed an intense fear of being unloved because it didn't want her horrible past to repeat itself. Sarah always questioned the love of the men she dated, she called them every five minutes and she always worried about being cheated on. Sarah gave her relationship partners a hard time that made the relationship intolerable for them
  • 2) Commitment is bad: Jason's parents left each other when he was only 3 years old. He grew up in a violent environment where his mom and dad always accused each other of horrible things. Jason suffered a lot because of that experience and he made a conclusion that any relationship must end one day and that commitment always leads to pain. Jason dated many girls but he always terminated the relationship unexpectedly whenever it was about to get serious (see also Fear of commitment)
  • 3) The Gold digger: Nancy's father wasn't successful by any means when it comes to financials , at least this is how she saw him. Nancy always compared herself to her friends who had parents who were better off. Nancy turned into a gold digger who looked for nothing but rich men. And while most women are biologically wired to favor a resourceful man over a less resourceful one Nancy ignored all other good traits in favor of cash
  • (see Does money attract women)

How can meeting the parents help

In my book How to maintain a healthy relationship i said that most of the problems that happen in relationships result from lack of understanding of one another. This is why learning more about the family of the person you are interested in is an essential task. By understanding the family connections between your lover and their family you will be able to figure out the potential problems that might happen in your relationship.

I know that in some cases it might not be possible to meet both parents but at least you should talk to your partner about that parent you didn't meet in order to understand the nature of the relationship between them. Once you have a better understanding of the way your partner thinks of the other sex you would have taken a great step towards keeping your relationship together healthy.

People who don't understand how others perceive physical attraction usually develop the imagined ugliness disorder.

The book The psychology of physical attraction explained was released by 2knowmyself. This book won't just help you understand how the attraction process happens but it will also help you discover how attractive you are and will assist you in getting over the imagined ugliness problem.

Want to know more?

How parenting affects your personality

Top parenting mistakes

Why parents should not spoil children

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