How insecure people behave

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

How insecure people behave

In the gym its so common that conversations start between complete strangers. If someone was occupying a certain machine then its so common for another person to come to him and to ask to join him.

While i was working out on one of the machines a guy with a frowning face came and said in an aggressive way "How much time you need this for?"

Had i knew nothing about psychology i would have felt angry and might have considered his action unacceptable but because i understood that the guy was feeling insecure i smiled back and told him "you can join me if you want"

What does the guy's behaviour has to do with insecurity? and why was he acting in an aggressive way?

Insecurities and self doubts

When a person has self doubts or when he believes that he has a certain flaw he starts to compensate for these flaws by doing certain actions that might offend others.

The guy in the previous example had doubts about his own masculinity. Its not that he believes that he is not a man but it happened that he believed that he was not a man enough. Maybe because he was not that successful, maybe because people always criticize him or maybe because people used to bully him in his childhood.

The reason won't matter but the final conclusion is what matters. That guy feels insecure because he doesn't feel that he is a man enough and as a result he compensates by displaying aggressive and overly assertive behaviour.

Had that guy felt good about himself he would have approached me with a smile on his face but because he believed that a smile would make him appear less manly he chose to frown instead.

Why insecure people behave that way

Of course not all insecure people behave in an aggressive way but all of them without exceptions behave in a certain way that helps them hide their specific insecurity.

The following lines will explain why insecure people behave the way they do:

  • They develop self doubts: For example a guy might start believing that he is not attractive. This limiting belief becomes the seed that grows into insecurity later on
  • They confirm their doubts: In the Solid Self confidence program i said that insecure people start to collect biased evidences from the external world just to prove their self doubts true. For example the guy who believes that he is not attractive will always relate each rejection he gets to his unattractive looks
  • They compensate: Finally the insecure person will behave in a way that allows him to compensate and hide his insecurity. For example the guy who believes that he is not attractive might treat girls in a mean way just to act as if he doesn't care about their approval. In such a case he sticks to the "reject them before you get rejected" strategy!

As you can see many of the weird actions some people do only result from their feelings of insecurity. In order to master communication skills you need to learn more about psychology so that you can see the real intentions behind the actions of the people you deal with.

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