Child attachment to one parent (mother or father)

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

child attachment to one parent (mother or father)

Why would a child become attached to one parent more than the other?
Why do some kids become more attached to their mothers while others become more attached to their fathers?

Before you can understand why such attachment happens you need to understand how the child develops his personality in his early years. After going through certain experiences the child develops certain unconscious goals that shape his life style later on.

These unconscious goals determine to a great extent his attachment towards his parents, his preferred parent and whether he wants to be like his mother or father. (see How childhood experiences affect adulthood)

In this article i will tell you why would a child become attached to one parent and not the other.

Child attachment to mother or father theories

Here are some reasons why would a child become attached to one parent and not the another:

  • Over estimating the Male's role: If the child grew up in a family environment that taught him that males are much better than females then certainly that child will become more attached to the father and will try to mimic him even if she was a girl. Do you wonder why are there tomboys? (girls who act like guys) Those are girls who are more attached to their fathers than their mothers and so they try to be better by acting like males
  • The mother is the dominant figure: When a child finds himself in a house where the mother is the dominant figure then he will become more attached to her and he might try to mimic her even if he was a boy. This environment doesn't only result in the attachment of the children to the mother but it also makes the female children believe that a woman should dominate her husband. (see Why are some women so controlling)
  • One Parent is cooler: If one parent seemed cooler according to the child's own evaluation system then he will become more attached to him and will try to be like him. If for example the father had a full life, lots of friends and was a popular figure while the mother was always in the rear lines then the children might become attached to their fathers in order to be as cool as him

The consequences of Being attached to one parent

While sometimes no problems occur as a result of being attached to one parent still at many cases improve personality development can happen to the child.

If for example the mother always appeared not to be in control of her life then in addition to not being attached to her the children might grow up wanting not to be like her and in such a case you might find them becoming control freaks who feel insecure all the time. In the Solid Self confidence program i said that insecurities developed at our early years are usually learned as a result of seeing the way our parents deal with life.

As i said in the beginning of the article the child determines his life style in his early years and in such a case the children determined that they don't want to be like their mothers!!

If you found your child overly attached to one of you then you'd better examine this attachment on a deeper level in order to allow your child to develop normally.

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