unconditional love

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

does unconditional love exist

Many people question the existence of unconditional love these days.

unconditional love is the type of love where you love someone because of who he is and not because of any other thing that he has. Assets, cars , money can be the reason people fall in love with someone else but in such a case you can never call it unconditional love.

From a psychological point of view unconditional love is really rare or almost non existent. In the psychology of love section i explained how people fall in love with others because of their desire to compensate for their unmet needs (without being aware of this fact of course).

A dark skinned man might become attracted to a light skinned women and a woman who lacks self confidence might become attracted to a confident man. This is how compensation can result in conditional love. So back to the question, Does unconditional love exist?

You must understand conditional love to understand unconditional love

Suppose that a guy always failed to talk to girls and thus thought that he is not desirable.

When that guy grows up then most probably he will become attracted to the first women who makes him believe that he is worthy. This is a perfect example of conditional love that shows how an unmet need that was developed at childhood can affect your choice of a future partner.

That's why many psychologists say that unconditional love doesn't exist. If fact if you don't have any unmet needs or if you don't have any desire to compensate for anything then you might never fall in love.

The existence of unconditional is questioned

People who say that unconditional love exists give examples of children who like their parents or parents who like their children but when examining this claim further you find that some people hate their parents because they treat them in a bad way.

Its almost impossible for a child who was abused by his parent to love him unconditionally. This means that even the cases that seem like they support unconditional love are in fact cases of conditional love.

The child needs his mother to survive and that's why he loves her. The mother loves her son because he belongs to her and because he is her son. (see Why do we like certain people)

I am trying to say that unconditional love doesn't exist but i am just stating what psychologists found about love up to this day.

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